“If you’re gonna fall, I’ll let you know, That I will pick you up, like you for I.”

Hello again everyone. We’re pushing a year since my last post. I’ve written several blogs that I haven’t posted. I get caught up on whether their worthy or not. Ultimately I don’t write for anyone’s approval. It’s medicinal for me, it’s why I do it. Maybe I will start dropping those randomly from time to time.

“Oh, take your time, don’t live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass”

This past year has moved much quicker than the last. I’ve had a tendency to say that here these past couple years coincidentally. This past year wasn’t me paying attention to the turn of the numerical year, but my son’s first birthday. Brock was born August 16th and this past weekend we celebrated his 1st birthday. It’s Monday evening and I can’t wrap my head around the fact it’s been a complete calendar year since he’s been here. I remember his first cry. I remember the first time his mother got to hold him after the anesthesia wore off a little. Those two moments in particular are forever engraved.

I’d like to dedicate this one to you Brock. I understand you’re years away from being able to read this and even further from truly understanding. This is not without much difficulty mind you…..

This past year has been the single greatest point in my life with you. After high-school time flies, after college time flies, it just flies. Never has the time escaped me more since you’ve been here. Time..it’s one thing I wish I could slow down when I’m with you, however we can’t do that..yet! You’ve helped me in several ways this this past year. You brought to my attention some thing’s I’ve lost track of throughout the beginning of my adulthood and I wanted to thank you.

You have your mothers eyes. Their calming. Much like your mother you have patience, this is something I struggle with, you’re helping day by day. Your sincere look of gratitude for the smallest things reminds me to be thankful, thankful for everything.

You care, you care a whole bunch. Should the dog bark or the cat meow you must investigate. Your smile is contagious, it reminds me how genuine real life magic is. This world is full of it. You, I and your mother and whoever else ends up joining us on this adventure must never stop seeking it. It’s all around us and often as you get older you end up with this inability to see it. Your mother and I will try our absolute best to make sure you never stop seeing the magic around you. Should we stop seeing us, please remind us.

You’re gentle, you give everyone a chance. When you’re being passed around during the holidays and your birthday party you’re a trooper dude. The world needs more people with you here. The innocence children exert is something that has reignited within me. We must be nicer to one another, kinder to one another. Stay kind bud.

Your love, thank you for unlocking a new tier of my heart. I can’t wait for the adventures that await. The adventure of life.

” If you’re gonna fall, I’ll let you know
That I will pick you up, like you for I.
I felt this thing, I can’t replace”

Those are only a couple things you’ve helped myself with this past year. Should I complete the list I’d end up with a 10 page blog. I wanted to share some advice I’ve obtained here so far in 33 years. I understand it’s unsolicited at this point.

1. Integrity, stand behind something you believe in. It’s being honest, being whole and true to yourself. Mom and Dad are here for you….”ALWAYS”

2. Make friends, make friends you love. Keep them close. Be a good friend, the best kind. Friendship can be hard at times, it can get hard dude. Turn the best ones into family. Use their support when times get tough. Tell people how you feel. They say to not wear your heart on your sleeve, should want to, do it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

3. Have fun, smile too much, laugh too loud. Enjoy life, make memories with your friends that nobody can ever steal from you.

4. Family is important. Even when things don’t go as planned family is always here. They become closer and stronger the harder things get.

5. Be kind to people..spread kindness..small acts do big things

6. Your the first born bud..aka Big Brother. Keep your siblings close. Make them your friends (#2) and keep the family close (#4).

7. Work hard..work hard always. Take pride in it.

8. Tell your mom you love her, a lot, remind her how appreciated she is often, she’s your mom, you take care of her..”Always”

9. Make time for the people you care for the most. This includes making time for yourself. You’ll thank yourself in both situations.

Last, but certainly not the least. Smile, have fun, appreciate the magic in every single day, capture it. Get lost in the music even when nobody else can hear it. Also, listen to Modest Mouse. As your mother would say “Do whatchu do do”.

Happy Birthday “Big Dude”! Your Mom and I are so happy and proud to be your parents. We love you more than these words can express.

Title of blog is lyrics from:


Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

Please feel free to COMMENT,SHARE and SUBSCRIBE

Float On,

Mess

“I wish the world was run by love and absolutely nothing more”

Damn it’s been awhile folks. Several months…maybe 4, 5 or 6 months. A lot has happened since then you know? As it has in all of your’s as well. Since the last time I visited I have been face to face with life’s greatest happiness and it’s counterpart. This blank canvas has been my escape from reality when the volume of thoughts in my head have exceeded my thoughts bucket. I know you guys have been so patiently waiting for my blog L….O….L……

 

Circa 2006 I was assigned a project in a sociology class. It just happened to be one of my all time favorite classes. Each week we were assigned a writing assignment. A 1 page journal entry, which was way better than boring book work. The writing assignment was “What is a human’s greatest attribute?” So many ideas started rambling through my head immediately. I mean, humans have created electricity, vehicles that take you into space and greenhouses that can provide vegetables year round in extreme climates. INNOVATION!!!! Is definitely near the top of this list for me. INTELLIGENCE, these two things I was widely pondering over. I love Albert Einstein, not in a homosexual way, but I’ve read a lot of his work and have deemed him a sweet dude that was a complete badass at what he did. I went home that night weighing the pros/cons for each. Mind you this was one of very few classes that I was legitimately excited for. At the time I was living with a friend of mine. Several of us lived there and many other friends were constantly there chilling. I was working on my assignment one evening and a buddy of mine was in the same room and I was talking to him a little bit about it. He immediately responded with “That’s simple…it’s love” At first I didn’t quite understand, but as I began to think about it that thought had began manufacturing all these emotions within me and ultimately he was right. Love trumps all.

“I can see you’re in pain and I know that there’s something wrong
I know that you been angry, I know that you’ve seen hate”

I had a friend recently lose his father to a long battle with cancer. This just so happens to be the same person that told me 12 years ago that “Love Trumps All” and if he happens to read this I want him to know those words have stuck with me since that day. The funny thing about love is humans will push themselves to extreme measures in search of it. We will lose focus of reality and become mere objects of life itself in search of it. We all have some crazy story where a decision was made based on it, even though it may of been ill advised by your closest circle. We get to the point of no return. We enter a realm where common sense and consequence take a back seat. I recently did some reading up on love and it’s influence on mankind in general. I came across some very interesting articles. Many experts in the field have written papers on what drives human life. Reproduction of the species will primarily always be numero uno, however many lives are driven on love. Love is not an emotion, it’s a human drive. Like hunger, people seek love. People will wallow through low times and skip merrily through the highs. At the end of the day the only reason for such behaviors is because the love we have for one another and the constant drive to give love and to receive it. We go through an endless cycle of emotional extremes just for a chance at it. It turns people into someone you may not even know. The thing about it, you’ll never quite understand them, even if you’ve had a similar experience. We’ve all been both ends of the love spectrum. The pain from it hurts just a little more and the happiness seems to be a little more pure. Death just so happens to be the one that may sting the most. People gather from all over to see their loved ones off. People tell stories and reminisce of times that are long gone, but are able to remember them to the time and place because those are the stories that have stuck with you through time. Those times graciously pass through the lows and highs in life with ease because they were built in the purest form. Those times will always stick with us, even if our closest loved ones have to say goodbye…Love trumps all.

“I think I was blind before I met you”

At the other end of the spectrum I recently became a father to a baby boy. The minute I heard him cry a tear formed simultaneously in my eye. I looked down at my wife and she was crying. These are often referred to as tears of joy. Up to this point in my life it has been the greatest feeling of pure happiness I have ever experienced. I’m not sure I have the capability of loving anything or anyone as much as I love this little dude. It’s like something you’ve been searching for your entire life has found you. To all the parents out there, you know what I am talking about. It doesn’t take children to fulfill this void Everyone is different and many of us love different things. Seek out what it is that you want. Where is your love driving you? Love can take many forms and show up where you least expect it. It reminds us of happiness when we need it most and has the ability to put things into perspective without a proper invitation. The feeling of being alive stems from the things we love doing and the juice is very much worth the squeeze. Love trumps all.

“Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It’s funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I’ve been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber’s about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your future, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn’t so clean. You know what? It doesn’t matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That’s what moral fiber’s all about”

As most of you know that is one of my all time favorite quotes out of any movie I have ever seen. It holds much more value these days than it did back in 2005 when I first watched it at Hocking College. To my friend that recently lost his father, your a great friend, husband and wonderful father. Your father couldn’t be any more proud of you, I guarantee that. Some of you may be wondering and when I say some I mean like all 5 of you, but you may be wondering why I chose a penguin for my picture. Well outside of the fact Sam Gardner off of Atypical loves them they have many quality traits we could learn from. These Penguins in the picture are Emperor Penguins, the grand daddy of Penguins. They live in large groups called “waddles” in the utmost extreme temperatures, they have the same fears and thus stick close to one another offering protection to anyone within. Should the mother and father of a chick die other parents will take care of them. They mate for life and travel for miles upon miles in search for food for their loved ones. They go through extremes because of love (that and it’s all they know), but don’t think for one second they don’t mourn the loss of a loved one, because they do. “Emperor Penguins are rightly a symbol of parental devotion, no matter the cost”….Love trumps all.

 

Title of blog is lyrics from: Black Rock by O.A.R

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to COMMENT,SHARE and SUBSCRIBE**

Float On,

Mess

“I been on the low I been taking my time I feel like I’m out of my mind”

What is going on folks? I initially set out a goal to write a blog and get it published every two weeks. With the release typically coming in around Sunday afternoon and followed up by posting it again Monday/Tuesday evening. Guess what? Yeah, that didn’t happen and I am already behind. Thinking about it I don’t necessarily ever get to the point to where I feel forced to write, which ultimately led to my absence last year. Feeling forced to write is absolutely terrible conditions to write in. I don’t feel inspired to write at those moments nor do I have the clear thinking to get my message across to. My style of writing requires me to manufacture my thoughts into words in a way you guys can relate and hopefully feel.

Something new I want to start doing with the next blog is I am going to go into a little bit of detail about the song lyrics I chose and the artist. Nothing too much. Every blog title does have a connection to the blog it’s tied to. I wouldn’t necessarily say the connection is always made with the audience, but somehow it has connected with me and my current thoughts on the blog. The title “I been on the low I been taking my time I feel like I’m out of my mind” comes from the song 1-800-273-8255. This is the number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and is sang by Logic. I knew who Logic was and was aware of some of his songs that I regularly visit. It wasn’t until the Grammy performance I seen last night that really opened my eyes to him as an individual. Call me late to the party, but damn I felt that performance and have been looking up his interviews and other songs all day today. I get this general sense of goodness with him that I appreciate and connected with instantly. So check out this link and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Logic – 1800-273-8255 ft. Alessia Cara, Khalid .

On to the meat and potatoes of this one. I just started this book called “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”. It’s one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It talks about in great detail of just focusing on your own shit. I plan on having a whole blog dedicated to it with excerpts from the book eventually here. In the meantime I’ll just aimlessly create blogs like I have been doing.

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it”

Famous quote from a fucking rad movie. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I was first introduced to this movie in French class in high school. I didn’t even give a shit about it then. I watched this movie probably a year ago by now and it actually grasped my attention and feels. This movies speaks to the reckless child still within us. It comes in glimpses anymore and passes with the blink of an eye. Ferris skips school and drives a Ferrari. Why, because he just really doesn’t care. He’s at the age where nothing really matters. The consequences of your actions aren’t typically too bad nor are you thinking of the severity. For Ferris that day of skipping school was all he was thinking about that day, wasn’t strategically planned, he just did it. This is what separates adolescents minds from our own. We as adults (most of us) care way too fucking much about what happens from day to day and it’s almost depressing. Maybe depressing is a little harsh in that sense, but the truth of the matter is that we’re missing out on things. That is subjective as all hell I get it. I also think a lot of people wake up at age 50 and wonder where the hell their lives went. I can let you know at that point in my life, but I digress. Complacency is a fucking dangerous thing and I just think our culture as a whole has a obsessive fixation with work. We don’t take time for ourselves. We don’t work on our own metal health. We don’t listen to the kid inside us screaming for attention. We keep pushing these feelings deeper and deeper. Everyone has their own fixes and coping mechanisms and I am pretty sure I don’t need to tell you it’s important to address these things on a regular basis. However, I think folks need to be reminded to address them from time to time. How do I address them? Well, “me time” is one of the few ways. Now let me say I don’t have children yet, but fail to believe it’s not possible after that. Writing for me as a whole helps tremendously. I like to read lyrics to songs. I game with friends online (all my bills are paid so suck it). I have about 1hr 30mins of driving everyday in which I listen to music or books. Music is numero uno in all of this. If it wasn’t for my love for music this blog wouldn’t be a thing.

” I wish I could explain myself, but the words escape me”

I’ve mentioned this in past blogs. I can write with better expression and clarity than I can speak. We are all victims of society. Work, work ,work…. Charles Bukowski said it best “Don’t Try”. More or less stop focusing so much on what you don’t have. People constantly try to get what they don’t have because society and fucking social media tell us we need it. I am victim of this, i’ll admit. It’s a fucking plague that has taken over our generation. As I mentioned in the last blog. I am focusing on myself these days. It’s hard to maintain constant focus when there is so much negativity being plastered everywhere. The positive media news stories don’t last long, but they happen I assure you. The media is built off of this concept that nobody is good enough. Whether that “good” entails health, wealth, do we look okay?, is our house big enough?, are the things we believe accepted by our peers?, yada, yada, yada and constantly trying to tell us what we need to do and work for. I am really trying to block out that noise this year. Last blog I had mentioned that I fell off writing because of it. The only way to tackle it is to address it. By doing so I’ve had a shit load of weight come off my shoulders. Weight that didn’t deserve to be there in the first place. We can’t let this world bring us to our knees, although it’s going to try. It’s going to try so fucking hard. If it manages to bum you out find somebody and talk to them about it. It can be a friend or somebody medically licensed. Don’t let the shit negativity bring you down because you honestly deserve better. Don’t be ashamed of reaching out for help. Mental health isn’t a new concept of our overall equilibrium, it’s just one that is ignored in our day to day lives. Mental health isn’t taken as serious as what it should. People think just because someone is smiling all is well. That’s not necessarily the case at all. It doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling beneath the surface. I am all ears if you’d ever want to reach out. My social networks can be reached on the right hand side of this post. Well folks it’s been real again, thanks for reading.

“Bad news comes don’t you worry even when it lands
Good news will work its way to all them plans”

Title of blog is lyrics from: Logic – 1-800-273-8255

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to COMMENT,SHARE and SUBSCRIBE**

Float On,

Mess

 

Say Goodbye to Being Left Out, Hello Friend Please Come On In

Man oh man, it’s been a minute. Actually more like a year. I believe my last official post was in November of 2016. So there has been a bit that has happened since then, but damn it feels good to start writing again. I need this, I need this in order to find peace within myself. I’ve always struggled in finding words verbally. I shy away at times and shoulder pain when I shouldn’t. This blank canvas here allows my thoughts to transcend onto it without physically speaking and it feels good. I can feel the load on my shoulders lighten with each word produced by my fingertips.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Nothing really, my life isn’t that action packed so calm down.  I think I had mentioned in my last blog or the one before that I had purchased a house. A house takes a shit load of time, chores every day, things to worry about every day. It go to a point to where I was stressing over things and I still do, that’s just my personality. Stressing I guess could be misread from the anxiety I have in regards to just general every day task with home ownership and life in general, but life goes on and doesn’t hold up for anyone. Believe me I’ve tried and nope the days keep coming. Not only do they keep coming, but they cannot promise better times from day to day. You have to seek out the the light. Some people will read this and roll their eyes, but the reality of it is that people around us are struggling everyday. People have the capability of putting a smile on, people have the capability of bearing large amounts of weight on their shoulders. I for one have an astounding capability of carrying a large amount of weight before I break, just ask my wife. She alone has seen it and knows when there is too much there. This blog’s intention isn’t to speak on behalf of anxiety although I am sure I could put one together quite easily with that. Do like a day in the life with someone with anxiety and I’d crack jokes at myself about it to explain it to ya’ll. That’s how I cope with it is through sarcasm and comedy. Some may find that insulting and that isn’t my intention, but everyone deals with things differently. You don’t need to have 30 years of wisdom to understand that.

Okay, back to the why the hell have I been? Why did I stop blogging? Why did I stop doing the thing that ultimately helps me? Helps me in a way that I can’t even put into words for you to understand. The comfort and peace of mind that comes with blogging for me isn’t a tangible item. The released pressure from within isn’t a measurable calculation. The past year has been rough for me. Not in a physical sense or relationship sense. I would consider myself to have a pretty good life, great marriage and relationship with my friends and peers. I’ve been promoted and have made some good leaps forward in my career. However, this past year I started focusing on things that I had no control over, things that many people probably focus on and don’t even mean to. Things such as social media, other peoples “pages” if you will. This road is BAD, this road will lead to something you’d wish you never sought out in the first place. It’s an issue that has been brought to life by things such as social media. Whether it be Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and etc. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I go there? Why can’t I do this, that, and such? I went down that road. I didn’t intend to do that, it sort’ve just happened. It’s a road everyone needs to stay clear of, it will destroy who you are. I kept telling myself I needed to get back to writing, get back to clearing my mind on a more scheduled occurrence that I was used to. Like I was jealous of people I didn’t even fucking know?  I was hating on people for doing things that I didn’t like and/or agree with. I was pissed I moved to a town where I didn’t know a single person and I let that eat me alive. This is not who I am or brought up to be. I had been talking myself into getting back into the swing of things for awhile as far as blogging goes. I started to journal a little bit about my frustrations with everything really and it all signs pointed to me. I was the single reason as to why I was more or less just in a hateful place. A place that is so easy to get to. This place didn’t understand change, didn’t understand difference nor wanted them. This place was just full of fucking hate, jealousy and envy. My side journals where I did some “free-writing” led me to this conclusion. I would pick an actual pen up and write for 1-minute. Just words and thoughts to empty the flood gates and then I dwelled on it. How the fuck did this happen? When the fuck did my soul become unhappy? I know too many fucking awesome people to get here!

Everyone’s unhappy
Everyone’s ashamed
Well, we all just got caught looking
At somebody else’s page

Hate, Jealousy and Envy don’t hold shit on LOVE. Love stands at the top of human emotions for good damn reason. It has a way to fucking wipe the table with anything else and bring itself to the forefront for no reason at all.  People get passionate about shit for no reason and cannot explain it. The binding ingredient is love, people can’t explain it nor deny it. It’s an emotion that has been talked about for centuries through literature and these days through plays, movies, TV shows and music. You can’t go a day without seeing the word, hearing the word in some form or thinking about it without even realizing it. So why do we push it away, ignore it like it isn’t there? Unfortunately love can also produce the deepest scars. It can drive us crazy, whether it good or bad. It can completely take control of our life and our decisions. People get blinded by it and thus get hurt. Don’t let this stop you from ever accepting love again though, love is everywhere it really is. Jealousy, Envy and Hate although much easier to find can also keep you blinded much longer. I have so many people in my life that I am so grateful for, so many friends that I can honestly say I love. Contrary to popular belief you can love someone without being intimate. Put a smile on and enjoy life. There is just too much pure joy and love in this world to deny it.

You must lose that anger, lose all that hate, it ain’t gonna work no more
You see this world is ran by love and absolutely nothing more

 

Title of blog is lyrics from: Free – Street Dogs

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to COMMENT,SHARE and SUBSCRIBE**

Float On,

Mess

“It’s alright to tell me what you think about me I won’t try to argue or hold it against you”

“The punk rock ethos exists in a form where kids can adopt it and become unique, become individuals and celebrate the fact that their outcast and the more of an outcast you become the better you feel about yourself. You use it for the wrong way when you try to judge other people for not being something. You’re missing the point entirely.”

-Tom Delonge

      I know as most of you read this you’re probably thinking to yourself “What the hell does Tom Delonge know about punk rock?” Truth is I couldn’t honestly answer that. I don’t personally know Tom, nor have I ever met him. I do know that I wouldn’t ever turn down the opportunity to meet him though. So Tom if you ever come across this blog on the vast internet i’d be down to meet you. For what it’s worth I’ve always really liked Blink-182. This blog isn’t about all Blink before you stop reading though. This blog comes from a couple months of thoughts of just random thoughts that I’ve been pondering. I am actually skipping a couple blogs for this. I had a bachelor party and I got married between the last blog and this one. Blogs for those will be coming just not tonight. I’ve recently turned 31 who cares right? Age is just a number what you do and how you feel is really what makes you who you are. What you choose to do with your life determines the youth in your soul. This has probably been the busiest year to date in my life. Like I mentioned before I got married, but I also purchased a home earlier this year. A busy year it has been for me, it has not slowed me down however. If I’ve ever felt a bit of resistance in life, believe you me I fight it. It’s my trade by nature. Consider me the devils advocate of life if you will. I don’t understand why so many willingly lay amongst the wayside and let life take it’s toll?  Perhaps you could offer more resistance against the powers that be in life? I’ve met so many pushovers now that I am in the business world.  It turns out that there really are people that like to be told what to do , how to do it, and what deadline to meet.

“I don’t know who this person is, but I’ve seen his face before
A face I don’t wanna have to face, I don’t think I like me anymore”  #NoFx

    Which leads me upon to my next part in this blog.  It was November 14th, Monday night. I just got off work and met a buddy at a Red Robin, we were heading to a show in Cleveland that night. I get there he finishes his beer and we leave. It’s a 25 minute commute to downtown. I recently found out about a very unknown parking garage right downtown and its dirt cheap. We parked there and it was pretty bare. Some cars, but not enough to make us think twice about pounding a tall boy. We sat there talked about old shows we’ve been to and finished our beer. We went down to East 4th and stopped at corner alleys and bought a beer.  I got a Fat Tire….I fucking love Fat Tire.  Any way, we finished that and went across the road to House Of Blues. I’ve been here many a times, but never for NoFx. This is actually the first time I’ve ever had the chance to see them. I just turned 31 a week ago and I am pumped to see an old school punk band thats still kicking ass.  The first band was pretty solid, I don’t quite remember their names. The second band we seen was named “The Pears” which is a kickass band signed to Fat Wreck. I remember the days of me and my buddy following the punk bands and seeing what label they were signed to and stuff. This is mere or less never happening again in my life, able to be imitated, but never duplicated. That feeling of untarnished youth will never be tapped into again. As the lights dim NoFx takes the stage and opens with Six Years On Dope. I’m on the fence mid mosh and it’s a dream come true.  Fat Mike is wearing a skirt and rocking out. To be up front in center with one of the bands that really took a hold of me my high school days was fuckin rad.  I’ve never seen them before so perhaps by seeing them now it was more appreciated for what they’ve done for the punk rock world. It’s that not caring about anything, not caring about money in your pockets, not caring if I really know whats going on tomorrow type of feeling. Even if it only last an hour, it’s times like these that let you feel alive in this world.  We are so concerned with things we really can’t control anymore and have forgotten to take control of the times we do have. Sure they come fewer and far between as we get older, but it’s important to seize those moments. One of my favorite scenes in any movie is in “Perks of being a Wallflower.” When they are driving through the tunnel at the end and WE CAN BE HEROES is playing. Fucking great scene right there, check it out here –> The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta have a job”  #ModestMouse

  With that concert I was able to tap into my inner self. That inner self that tries it’s damnedest to resist these societal deadlines. Damn it was fucking rad! The beauty about the punk scene over the years I’ve been listening to it hasn’t changed. From my first shows at Peabody’s in CLE of listening to no name punk bands in highschool to listening to punk bands at 31. The shows are the same. People are their for one reason. To have fun….to leave your worries at the gate about how old you are, what nationality you are, or even if you know who the band is. The adolescent inner-self comes alive in times like these and it’s a feeling that isn’t felt often these days for most. Below I quoted Tom Delonge from the documentary he did. Great documentary if you guys want to watch check it out here –> Tom Delonge Pursuit of Tone .  Music is one of the biggest aspects of my life. It’s a way I am able to keep my spirit from the life that wants to control it. Concerts will always be one thing that I can permanently tap into. The punk scene does more for kids than what meets the eye of this I am sure. It’s not often anymore I am in a mosh. Even if the mosh days are coming to an end I’ll always be able to look into the mosh and see 16 year old me bouncing around its core putting life on hold. #FloatOnFolks

 

 

“I think we hit on something that sounded like adolescents lashing out over being caught in the middle of a storm that they had no control of, you know you grow up thinking that your parents are more powerful than they are they know a lot more than they do and as you get older you start to learn their just people to, they’re about as vulnerable and as ah you know destructible as you are and I think that’s whats great about Rock n Roll. Umm its not about the music as much as its about the emotion and the emotion is what resonates with people. They feel something. I think sometimes we lose sight of that importance.”  

–Tom Delonge

 

 

Title of blog is lyrics from: Dammit – Blink 182

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to COMMENT,SHARE and SUBSCRIBE**

Float On,

Mess

“Have faith in me Cause there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe”

“Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren’t always what they seem”

So it’s been several months since my last post here and I’ve honestly missed it. Some good times for the often spoken down on OHIO. In the past 6 years I’ve often wondered where I’d end up. It’s no longer a question since I’ve purchased a home in a town that resides right on the shores of Lake Erie. It’s beautiful, it’s everything my heart currently desires. Everyone has different desires of course. People will even often question desires of those close to them. People often think they know what’s best for the ones they know/love, but it’s often not the case. People like to think they know. Who is anyone to say what you desire? You see with age comes comfort, with age comes wisdom and with age comes the ability to really go get what you desire. This isn’t necessarily the case for all. It’s just the experiences I’ve seen and have went through. At this point in my life I’ve seen so many of my loved ones and close friends (also loved ones) settle for their desires I used to see this as a separation barrier from me to them. As I’ve thought about it here and there it’s not that. It’s the fact they’re settling down for what they desire ( I hope so anyhow). I’ve never one day have taken for granite the large circle I have. I hope those that know me think the same way. We always have the ability to come together at any time, any date and pick up where we last left off. I’d like any of you to disprove that. It’s something that I cherish.

Now time to talk about our CLEVELAND CHAMPIONSHIP! Personally I’ve been involved in just two other championships in my life. As a 7th grade football player and when my buddies brought home a Basketball conference championship as a senior in high school. The 7th grade one as a player I will always hold a special place for the simple fact I participated in that. The senior basketball class we had was pretty fucking nasty though. It was that year our class created the student section and it took off what an amazing experience it was. As time goes by our “Winning A Championship” meanings starts to differ from person to person.  I’ve seen it come in ways of winning a Rec league, whether it be Softball or Basketball. I’ve seen it in forms of some of the marriages in which my friends have been apart of. I’ve seen it in smiles on strangers faces when you’ve/i’ve lent them a hand. I’ll see it again come October 8th when I see my fiance walking down the aisle towards me as I stand there patiently at the front of the church. Winning championships in life can essentially be anything that makes your heart tickle.  As I mentioned before with age comes comfort accompanied by a side of peace of mind. I am very happy with where I am at and where I’ve been. Steve Jobs said it best when he spoke of connecting the dots going forward. It’s impossible..you cannot do it, however you can connect them just perfectly when you’re looking back through the years and experiences. You start to discover why certain events took place in your life. You start to understand the outcomes of decisions that didn’t go your way or perhaps did. You start to let go of things that don’t necessarily matter and really start to surround yourself with only those that truly impact your life for the better. Most of us find these beings in family members, however some are the friends you’ve had for the past 20 years. Some of you perhaps have ran into the rare occurrence of finding this connection with a coworker and or new love. You know the whole “Fresh Start, New Me” stuff that you read about in novels and the occasional tear jerking news story. This stuff is real. There’s a reason it’s even a saying. I’ve been pretty lost before as far as being who I want to be in life. I’ve since then have found the person who I want to be. I know how I want people to treat me, but that only comes with how you love others. Love isn’t subjective. Love is a feeling. How do you make others feel? Love isn’t necessarily a sexual thing. Love can move mountains. When people come together to help others…that’s love. I’ve witnessed it first hand. It’s the go out and lend a hand without being owed anything or accepting anything for that matter type of mentality that moves this planet.

My middle paragraph always turns into a kitchen sink. However, it’s a pristine pure kitchen sink filled with nothing but 100% honesty. This blog goes out to anyone and everyone to whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of coming across. The friends we have at this point in our life is crazy to think about as well. The friends you’ve had since day 1 and the newcomers. However, now since we’ve moved apart and doing our own things we’ve made some new friends. These people we’ve met along the way are basically friends by chance. We find complete strangers in our new neighborhoods and decide if they are worth talking to again or not. I am under the assumption the friend finding comes to a slowdown between the “you got married” and “you have kids in school” stage. Since we’ve moved to Vermilion we know one couple here. Other than that not a single new friend and or couple. I wonder if that’s how it’s going to be until kids in school to be honest. Yeah, I know the folk on my street, but none in which are close to our age. Yet alone ones we could find ourselves hanging out with on the regular. The peace of mind that comes with growing continues only to get larger. I find friendship in other aspects of my life, I mean it’s not necessarily friendship, but it’s the growing process that I find intriguing. I like working on and around my house, watching the sunset down at the lighthouse and going out and having some beers with my fiance. These things are what keeps me moving these days. My friends aren’t lost forever, unfortunately their priorities have just changed a little. Once again we cannot connect the dots going forward, only looking back will we be able to make sense of the path we take.

Title of blog is lyrics from: A Day To Remember – Have Faith In Me

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

“Gonna take a freight train down at the station, I don’t care where it goes”

I’d like to start off by saying thank you. If you’re reading this you’ve probably been reading for awhile (or you’re bored as shit on Facebook and you came across this link).  This is my 32 post and man o man is time flying by. It’s even crazier when you see other peoples lives changing in front of you. I’d like to think I don’t necessarily notice it until a measurable amount of time has passed. What’s measurable? It’s subjective to the individual for sure. The amount of stuff from point A to point B is all man made regardless, oh I think they call it TIME or something. Paul Rudd has an awesome quote in the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” he’s talking about his age and it goes like this “I don’t really believe in age or numbers, you know? I don’t… I mean if you had to put a number on it, I guess I’d be… forty-four? Fuck!” Oh its great! I often feel the same way. If you’re not busy living you my as well get busy dying. Stay young, stay soulful and most importantly stay true to yourself. For the most part I try to stay as active as I can, with the people I’ve grown up. This blog is sort’ve going to be about sports and how they’ve helped me in life and where I am to this day with them.

The very first memory of playing any type of sports is Tee-Ball. I use to throw the bat behind me. I hit a boy name Aaron in the shoulder and he started crying, I felt bad as shit. The craziest thing about this is the fact that I remember this from 24 years ago. I remember it like yesterday, if I was an artist I could paint a replica picture of an event that took place 24 years ago.  Perhaps I am the weird one, but I find it completely insane when you can remember an event like it was yesterday in your head. I have recollections of things that took place when I was at the babysitters, a certain Christmas and even random days playing outside as a kid. I remember smells that I haven’t smelt in 20+ years, sure I’ve came across similar ones, but even those take me back to the time and place from the original scent. So where am I really getting at here? What the fuck am I even trying to talk about? Well here goes nothing. Just a dude who’s been into sports his whole life.

You know that fresh cut grass smell? The kind that you’d smell blowing in the wind as your going down some random country road. It’s a distinct smell. You can’t even drive around these parts of Ohio in the summertime without running into it at least once/twice a week just from your commute. People around where I live have large yards, their fresh mow scent carries further than one would suspect. The very first smell of fresh cut grass goes back to Tee-Ball out in the middle of the field in front of my High School. We were playing a game and I was up to bat. I remember having my coach pitch to me. I remember seeing the green (John Deere) mower off in the distance and as I stood up there patiently waiting for the pitch I smelled my first fresh cut grass smell. The grass smell connected immediately to my grandfathers lawn. As I went through the years of school grass eventually ended up meaning more to me. Yeah of course it meant summer time and no school, it was also started out as the foundation of my character to this day. Sports, whether it was Baseball, Basketball, or Football the loyalty amongst my friends and I that was built over the years and years of playing together would change my life as I knew it. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine, whatever the sport may have been that’s the general motto out there. The competing aspect of it, the general sportsmanship, the I am going to work fucking harder than my opponents because I want it more aspect of it. These are things that have driven me my entire life so far.  The friendships outside of my childhood populous are few and far between, but they’re deep and pure. The loyalty that lies there i’d put up against my original crew. Eventually the original crew starts fading with time, but you’re aware with my angst against that already. Some of the guys I’ve met in the past couple years are great down to earth dudes that I’ve helped me along the way and I hope they’ve been able to take something from me as well.

I’ve spent a decent part of my life playing sports. Playing outside for the most part. The open grassy ball field was my first experience. I’ve played indoors for Basketball, but it’s nothing compared to the grass. The outdoor atmosphere, the lights, the large crowds, and the sweat and blood nitty gritty 11-on-11 gridiron I had the opportunity to play on we’ll never be forgotten. That is where my friends and I have shared victories and losses, smiles and tears together. Good luck ever taking that from me. The loyalty we shared during those times is of unexplained measures, you just can’t. You had to be there, you’d have to feel it then and there to remember it. I remember getting goosebumps right before kick off. I remember my stomach knots when we loss. I remember looking around at the crowd under those Friday night lights in those sweet victories. These times will never be lost. That’s been years ago at this point, but I get the feeling back every Wednesday when my friends and I compete in a Men’s Softball League. It’s nowhere near the extent or intensity as the gridiron, but a little piece of me goes back. It’s something I’ve held onto, because it’s turned me into who I am today. Whether it be sports, music, working out or etc. Find something that moves you, something that no matter what nobody can interrupt the connection you have with it. People may say stop holding onto the past la la la la. Fuck em’, I am holding onto my roots, it’s not living in the past. It’s a simple reminder of why I am who I am. What moves you guys? What makes you feel alive? What’s the purest memories you guys withhold?

Title of blog is lyrics from: The Marshall Tucker Band – Can’t You See

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

“Well I wonder which song they’re gonna play when we go”

I haven’t really a thought for this blog just yet. I’ve had a couple ideas that have come up here and there since my last entry just about a month ago now. My fiance got me this kick ass Harry Potter journal for the Holiday’s and I whip that fucker out whenever an idea strikes. I doodle all the time in any notebook I have.  I have a weird obsession with notebooks filled with blank pages…oh yeah that all of them :). I use to fill pages with lyrics, band names, Magic the gathering cards, video games, quotes and just whatever came to mind. I had an entire pocket notebook filled with Michael Jordan, Rodney Dangerfield and Jim Morrison quotes.  I’ve just always have had a thing for a blank piece of paper and a pen. Same goes for writing online. I am allowed to write anything I want, regardless of how absurd or crazy or irrelevant it is…I am allowed to write it. I certainly don’t do it because my blog is highly sought. I average 20’ish clicks per a post via Bit.ly so that’s cool, but I want to stress to those that are reading it that I encourage you to be open about what you believe in. It’s freedom at it’s finest

The past couple weeks have been crazy hectic for me. I have been in the midst of buying a house. If any of you are reading this and have a bought a house you know exactly what I am talking about. I also had the opportunity to go to a friends bachelor party in North Carolina. It was a crazy good time with friends I often don’t get to hang out with because, life gets fucking busy.  For the past several years now I’ve felt as if most of my closest friends have just said “fuck it” and have tossed the better part of 10 years to the road side. I want them to know that I miss them. Life gets busy, it really does. For some reason I can’t ever and I mean EVER stop thinking about the ones closest to me.  That statement includes friends I go months without seeing. I often wonder why/how the fuck it’s possible cause this is a dog-eat-dog world and most people don’t give a fuck about you or how you’re doing this very moment.  It’s somewhat unfortunate knowing they’re people out there that wouldn’t go the same route as you would when it came to loyalty, but that’s life.  I escape reality through good lyrics and comical relief. If you can’t find relief in either of those I am sorry. No, I am not sorry you think I am insane for finding comfort in someone else’s words.  There are actually a few people left in this world for each of us to be able to escape through without applying the makeup first. It’s important we hold these individuals close to us. If they happen to fall by the wayside you/I could spend the rest of our lives trying to find them again. There is something irreplaceable about the person you’ve spent a better part of your life growing up with just to not talk to them daily. I just hope that they’re okay and well. I love them all.

One of the biggest things about to happen is softball season is about to begin and I love it. I love competing. I love the trash talk. I love playing on the ball diamond under the lights. I love playing competitively with my friends. They’re great guys whose loyalty remains amongst everyone on the team.  If you haven’t the opportunity to honestly feel loyalty amongst your friends I am sorry. It’s  a feeling I wouldn’t trade for money..not today or tmrw. The big thing with friendship is that you don’t necessarily receive what you put into it. It’s more or less a relationship. Someone is putting in more work, hours and time. At the end of the day though it’s worth it. Two random people on this earth have decided they like one another and it’s worth keeping the other person around, because they enjoy them. Friendship is awesome.

Title of blog is lyrics from: 59 Sound by Gaslight Anthem

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

Hello, Hello, Hello, I’m glad I found you

I’ve always had a knack for writing my thoughts down much better than I’ve been able to speak them. Perhaps it’s the comfort of the clear blank page. Perhaps it’s the idea that the page isn’t able to judge me for what I write down and say. Perhaps it’s the idea that I can speak freely without being interrupted from people asking what and why. It’s just been something I’ve always enjoyed as well. I guess you could say its been somewhat of an escape from reality for me. Just a way to release I suppose, whether you’re up or down when you wake in the morning you’re back to zero. Writing has been a strong influence for bringing me up when I am down and pushing me higher when I am up.  Music has also been a huge provider in that category, but I am sure you’ve figured that out by now.  This post is going to be a little different than my previous writings. I want to dedicate this one to “Mah Lady”. I’ve been wanting to blog about our engagement for awhile now and I haven’t been to public about it. It’s just sort of not my thing and it’s a terrible excuse that I know. I thought I could dedicate a blog to her however so here it goes.

 

To Mah Lady:

“I’d like to start off by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry for the shape you found me in. I am sorry for any tear that’s been shed over me. I am sorry I was so broken when you gave me a chance 3 years ago. I am sorry it’s taken as long as it did for me to understand that there is more to life than pain beyond the walls I’ve built to keep me safe. I am sorry I didn’t recognize your genuine care and love you had for me for so long. I am sorry I didn’t even bother looking for it, because I was scared of getting hurt. I am sorry I didn’t understand that I was able to love happily again for so long. I am sorry I don’t let you know how beautiful you are to me daily. This world moves to fast and sometimes I forget what I have in front of me. I am sorry I often sweat things that in the long run don’t really matter. I am sorry that I don’t let you know how much your smile cures me on the daily and I am sorry it’s took so long for me to figure all this out.

I want to thank you. I want to thank you for giving me a chance 3 years ago. I want to thank you for believing in us when I was lost. I want to thank you for being one of the kindest, most unselfish human beings I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, better yet..loving. I want to thank you for being patient with me when most would’ve thrown me aside. I want to thank you for working so hard day in and out because you think you have to prove something to me, but you really don’t. I want to thank you for respecting me for who I am, where I came from and what I’ve been through. I want to thank you for accepting my flaws when I had a hard time accepting some of yours. I want to thank you for always pushing forward when you could’ve easily gave up. I want to thank you for showing me that no matter what you were determined to be by my side even if I tried to push away. I want to thank you for showing me that love really did exist beyond my barriers and I want to thank you for the opportunity for me to one day call you my wife.

I know now. I know how much you mean to me. I know to recognize what I have in front of me. I know to no longer question if there is anything else. I know that you’re my best friend. I know to never leave without telling you I love you. I know I can’t fall asleep without saying goodnight to you. I know I can’t bring myself to leave the house without giving you a kiss. I know how much I am grateful for your shoulder to lean on in rough times. I know that I can tell you anything and you’ll offer me advice I can count on. I know now that you’ve been the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I know that I need to continue to support you just as much as you support me and I know I need to continue to love you unconditionally the same as you do me.

What you may have not known. The day I asked you to be my wife back in December was the first day of the rest of my life. I can think about it at any given time and it will push a smile through the darkest clouds. I call you “Mah Lady” because you are my queen, without you I am no king. My favorite movie to watch with you is “UP” and “Perks of being a Wallflower”. UP reminds me of the love we have for one another and “Perks of being a Wallflower” reminds me of the acceptance we have for one another regardless of how weird we can be. The friendship we’ve built over the past 3 years I’ve spent the better part of my life searching for. You have one of the biggest caring hearts out of everyone I’ve ever met and it shows through your care for others. I look forward to seeing you walk down the aisle come October 8th. I’ll be standing in awe, in confusion. Asking myself how did I ever get so lucky?

I am sorry for who I’ve been. I want to thank you for showing me. I know now who I need to be and I hope you know who I intend to be.

I love you. I love you more than the words above can describe.”

I have been contemplating on submitting this for awhile now and I got to thinking about it. I started to think “What the fuck do I care what others think about what I write?” Sorry, but I really did. I more or less want to put forth whats on my mind and what I believe in and don’t need acceptance to do so. To the people that may read this I ask you of this. I may not be very good with words, but I am good with putting my thoughts down on blank pages. They may not sound very good to you, but I do believe it’s important for others to get a grasp of what you believe in and feel. It really is something that catches on with others. I urge you to write something you believe in or feel strongly about. Let me know and I can post it on my page with your name or anonymously.

Title of blog is lyrics from: Atherton – California

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

I’ve started off this year with much to do. It’s a much busier beginning of a year than any other year I can previously remember. I am in the midst of wedding planning, house hunting, I am going to be an Uncle in the beginning of March and I am just busy as hell. Who isn’t anymore is more of the question? There is a song that comes to mind when I often find myself completely entangled in this bullshit agenda we get caught up in. I had a buddy that used to post it as his AIM away message all the time. “I’m in a hurry to get things done. I rush and rush till life’s no fun”.  It does its job to an extent I’d like to think there is also many more songs that can stop me in my tracks. Songs that’ll stop me in my tracks, make me step back and have a look.

Perhaps this year will distinctively set its theme early. I am expecting a lot this year. I don’t plan much, however. Why you ask? I FUCKING hate agendas. I fucking hate having time in my life that is already predetermined by something I haven’t necessarily approved of. Sure that statement can be subjective in many ways, however I never said I wasn’t fairly selfish when it comes to time. I’ve spent a majority of my life going places I’ve had to go and most of us have. I don’t particularly like being in the car for 86 minutes a day Monday thru Friday, but unfortunately I must for financial reasons. For the past several months the only reason i’ve remained “ok” with it is the Harry Potter audio books i’ve been listening to. They’re fucking amazing! It is the first book series i’ve ever read where i’ve honestly have been pretty sad at the loss of a character. When Dumbledore died at the hands of Snape I wanted to rage out…my anger abruptly turned to sadness without me even thinking too hard on the subject. I’ve seen the movies also, so I know the outcome, but J.K Rowling does an amazing job. I couldn’t help, but be sooo angry at Malfoy and Snape at the moment, but that’s a story..a great story to boot.

I initially started this blog tonight with a purpose of speaking about political views, but since then I have changed my thoughts on this. I would like you to know that I FUCKING hate politics. If you even happen to label yourself a Republican or Liberal is enough for me to dislike it. I am so tired of everything having to have labels these days. Since, I left high-school everything is labeled for convenience right? No, everything is labeled for economic placements amongst society.  It’s labeled so you can judge, you’re labeled so the next guy you meet can place you within the spectrum of interpretation society has put forth for them to understand. These labels don’t help us by any means. In fact they scare a lot of us. It’s a way to put fear into people’s lives and I know a lot of good fucking people that shouldn’t be worrying about this. I’ve always dreamed about being that millionaire that is able to help those closest to me that are actually trying in this life. I know many that are trying to get by and do okay and I know a few that get by and don’t give a fuck about it. I have news for those that don’t give a shit you’re not helping out the ones you love by doing so. Sure we could go blow for blow in the arguments of economical ways amongst us. I am in no way set for my life financially. I am still climbing my career ladder at the age of 30 and I understand that. I have to often remind myself that this isn’t the end and it will only get better from here if I continue to better myself and work hard. We live in America for crying out loud. One of the few roots of our foundation of living that we can count on still is that hard work, perseverance and determination will pay off in the end (at least for now). We have the ability and right as a citizen to change what we dislike about our economic status.  Free market capitalism at the end of the day can reward those who work their ass off. Sure it also has erected this huge corporate America agenda that is damn near to go up against, especially when every liberal we get in office wants to screw the little guy. You know the businesses we call the Ma and Pap stores. It’s unfortunate…then when we have a conservative in office that is all they do…conserve, it seems as if there is no motive to move forward, as if everything is fine attitude will get you somewhere.  Most of you are probably thinking I should be working on Capitol Hill with all my insider knowledge right now, but the real teacher here has been time. We could go on and on regarding these topics, but you are probably tired of hearing about politics just as much as I.  I guess what really inspired this blog were the people I know that just have given up. People that seem to be okay with thinking they don’t deserve more, the ones that accept the worlds blackened ways. As much as I complain about the bills I have to pay and the way things really are I can turn to my beautiful family and friends for closure.

“The good times are killing me”

….they’re killing us all. So let’s grow young together.

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess