Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.

I had the pleasure of seeing Bad Religion and Rise Against at Chill on the Hill up in Michigan in the fall of 2014.  Two of my favorite bands and damn do I love me some music from these two. Bad Religion allows me to go back to simpler times with people who didn’t worry about what was going to happen 5 minutes from now.  Just like in “How I Met Your Mother” the saying where Ted tells Marshall to let future Marshall worry about that.  Those were times in which I never intend on forgetting. I know they may be damn near impossible to duplicate these days at least with the same people I once did.  Is it all to much to ask for times like this again though?  I truly don’t believe times like these are to far out of reach.  It’s a shame that the utopia we once dreamed of has been lost. I assure you it’s still within our sights you just have to look for it.

Rise Against gives my inner child/teenage self the ability to remember growing up at times that I wanted to set the entire world on fire. I once held on to a lot of anger while wearing a smile day in and out.  I grasped onto music early in my life. I had an older step sister and brother who listened to a lot of early 90’s music. Nirvana, Bush, Marilyn Manson, Bob Dylan. Smashing Pumpkins, 311, Silverchair, and Limp Bizkit. This is a good general picture for you of the cds I had at my disposal.  I’d go home do homework and listen to the cd…starting at track 1 and ending it when it was over. I came engulfed in the lyrics for some of these bands and to this day I listen for the lyrics extremely closely while listening to music. If you allow it to, it’ll paint a picture for you and it’s beautiful in most cases. Without pain love doesn’t mean much, without the ugly beauty wouldn’t seem some beautiful.

 “I remember the day, between the past and the pain. We were never afraid of places unknown. There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air. We will never be scared of letting go. What happened to the world I used to know?.”

These lyrics speak to me. They open my heart. An open heart with honest words is one of the last pure forms of communication there is. Everything is filtered through social networks and mass media these days. We deem them good/bad based on shares and likes.  This isn’t communicating with one another.  This type of technology created to bring us closer together has only put a greater silent space between us.  I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a group of friends I haven’t spent time with in quite sometime. Reason being…we had a really good friend get married. At this point it occurred to me that in all of the good that took place this weekend being the realist semi-pessimist I am it takes such events to get the people you love together.  It seems as if the hassle isn’t worth the heart break anymore really. I’ll keep trucking along however.

Chances blown..nothings free…longing for…what used to be….

^^Those words right there have a way of speaking to me as if my self in the past life has passed these along to me. I feel so strongly for these words that I think about them daily. It’s a daily though based on the sadness I have for “what used to be”. I know people must move on…actually no I don’t.  I don’t believe in that one fucking bit. When did we stop caring so much for one another we’re going to start lying to one another about what we’re doing this weekend so we have a valid excuse as to why were not hanging out? When the fuck did we get so caught up with life to where we couldn’t appreciate one another’s love and appreciation. The act of completely disregarding each other do to some falsifying justification is absurdity at its finest.  When it comes down to it I just really miss my friends. Is that a crime? The world is so god damn beautiful the way it just continues with or without you. It continues with no sense of entitlement, no sense of right or wrong and hasn’t a clue as to what time it is.  It cares not for how old you are, for how long you’ve been miserable/happy, and it certainly doesn’t give a shit whether or not you’re upset with it. Time keeps ticking just as it did yesterday and the day before not knowing or caring what took place. What we/I need to do is keep trucking as I was yesterday and the day before.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

You can’t know, You can never really know, Would you want to know

“You can’t know
You can’t ever really know
Would you really want to know
How the hell would you know”

Today was the first time I took the longboard out around the little town of Huron and it was beautiful. I took a stroll out to the
lighthouse down the crowded pier and then set up shop in the little park thats sort’ve by the Brass. It’s a go to spot for me come summertime. If
you go later in the evening perhaps even as the sun is setting the kids and families will slowly vanish and it becomes a much more peaceful spot.
It’s funny really, the lesser the people the more of an attraction a place has. Let me make it clear that I wasn’t looking for social activity such as I
would be if I am heading out for the night.

In my direct 180 degrees of vision from this cold green bench I can see numerous wildlife. One squirrel, 5 seaguls swimming and several
Robins fetching for worms. I don’t know why but I often find myself just staring at birds as they fly above the water. It’s rather fascinating. They fly
so peacefully without fear of crashing, fear of heights and they sure as shit don’t care about the other wildlife around them. Granite most birds are
fucking stupid anyhow and their inability to have cognitive thinking probably helps these traits. It’s almost worthy of envy. Give these birds the
world and they capitalize on it all. Every aspect of it. The water, the air, the grass, the trees all of it. Give a human the world and we have the ability
of fucking it up and then some. I am not even sure where I am going with this besides being a bird would be fucking awesome. Only if more people
could be like birds I guess would also be cool. We have the ability to roam free, but get stuck and choose to be stagant within a strict radius we’ve
constructed in our god damn extraordinary awesome minds. Fear will pull us around by the genitals and make us take seat if things become
unfamiliar. So after several days, perhaps months even years the fear will no longer be there. It will no longer be there because it has passed it’s
crushing genital ways along to the “GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HEAD” regret. We all know this feeling and I am sure you’ve all screamed this before
whether it be out loud or to yourself. To be honest I am fighting a battle at this exact moment, but mine has to do with fear. Taking a leap of faith
is the term I’d like to use here. Faith in the fact that everything ends up working out. You know why everything works out? Because life does not
end because you make a life changing decision. Unless you’re a jumper then unfortunately I am sure that is in fact a life ender… Life will continue as
it did before and we as humans will adapt to the new ways. We have the ability to learn on the go. We aren’t hardwired like wildlife. We have the
ability to learn new things daily and its fucking mesmerizing. Learning things new everyday just because we decided we wanted to learn it. “I really
wish I could teach myself to fly above the water just like this damn seagull..that’d be kickass”.

This blog has been brought to you by me from this cold green metal bench and damnit it feels good to be outside and alive today. This
weather really wakes the lake up. From the humans who reside within the communities that are on the lake to the wildlife that uses its lovely
tainted algae infested fresh water! I love it…I really do love ALL of it. I wonder if the people I see off in the distance are thinking about what I am
thinking? I wonder if they realize every person they come across in life are facing demons of their own and overcoming obstacles daily to survive
just like them. I wonder if they wonder if I wonder about these things, because I do. I appreciate anyone who can take a break from their lives and
come lakeside and just stare out into it. There is a girl over in the gazebo reading a book, there is a couple walking 2 dogs connected by one leash,
there are 2 teenage boys throwing rocks out into the lake and 2 guys out in a little row boat just minding their own. THIS is the shit I appreciate. I
know it isn’t much, but god damnit it sure beats the hell outta a 9-5. It beats everything that I’ve done in the past week. Sure I implemented a new IP
phone system at my workplace that helped out a lot of people and it was educational. That is nothing to me though….I honestly don’t feel anything
from doing that. I did it because I had to do it. My fingers are starting to become numb from the chill wind coming off the lake so I need to wrap
this up. Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. I am not saying make blind decisions, but you can and it’ll be okay. I personally
like to research each decision I do anymore. I’ve become very analytical it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but analyzing everything can be very
tiresome when you have someone like myself who’s brain never stops turning. It is times like these when I am staring out into the lake where I can
think freely.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

Every time you think you’re talking you’re just moving your mouth

“Standing in the tall grass
Thinking nothing
You know we need oxygen to breath”

So I went to Clearwater, Florida the 15th of February and returned the 20th of February. It was quite chilly down there. Like seriously I wore khakis and a sweatshirt all week. Fuck my life right? Granite it’s disappointing I would’ve never had the opportunity to see just how much the sand there resembles sugar. It’s white and finer than any sand I’ve ever had the opportunity of feeling run through my fingers and toes. The beach front goes for miles and the width of the beach itself is in a league of its own, about the width of a Football field.  This is something I don’t get to see often, so basically it’s something that is as intriguing as it gets for me.  I have always been one to look for things that are different from my neck of the woods.  If we are not constantly seeking something different we are being stagnant in which I cannot do.  I know I haven’t done anything to prove this otherwise, but can you not feel it? Can you not feel it when you start becoming nothing more than what you do day and out?

It has been several weeks since I’ve visited Florida and tbh I know I couldn’t live there. Sure it has one of the most prestigious beaches in America however there is nothing more.  Sure it does entail a couple more cool tourist shops. One in particular has a Flowrider within the store. If you are unaware of what a Flowrider is you can find one at the hell forsaken grounds of Kalahari.   I am not quite sure what I am seeking, but I do know that it isn’t just concrete and sand. Perhaps I am being extremely picky and even quite hard headed, however why would I pick something not fairly different from what I am use to waking up and seeing everyday? I am use to it, I wake up every day…every morning. I see the same scenery whether it be Winter or Summer.  The same faces that are closest to me share the same stories day in and out.  Their lives are stagnant and that is their choice. They refuse to go out and socialize. Give me a complete stranger, give me 15 minutes of talking to them and I can generally decide whether or not I’d like to continue.  I don’t want to make it sound like I hate talking to the people I am dear friends with.  I think I am just seeking more out of life than they.  You cannot measure it by any means. Don’t even try to measure it by societal movements and ideas either cause I’ll go off.  I hate categorization (unless we’re talking movies). Absolutely no reason for it. I try to fend off the negative vibes every day with people.  It isn’t something a weak minded individual is able to do very easily.  This is why we see some of our dearest friends disappear into the unknown.  Sure you know what they are doing…sort of.  You follow them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram….great!  Your only interaction with the people closest to your heart is through an LCD screen.  This is semi-depressing for me. Ask the ones I am closest with. I am very transparent about my thoughts on friends I once had, very open about the friends I have yet to meet.  It’s crazy to think there are folk out there you’ve spent majority of your life with, folk that know everything about you.  Yet, you don’t talk to them nor see them anymore. A mere ghost in life, just the passing of the wind it seems like.  The real catch is if you graph it on a timeline there is very little room in which their not in your life.  I guess this is where I have been struggling. Struggling with the ability to cope with loss. What used to be isn’t exactly easily duplicated nor should it be. These memories serve me pure happiness, yet they’re my worst nightmares.  O.A.R has been lying to me all along with their bullshit of a line “Well, in the end my friend, we will all be together again”. Bunch of liars…I still like their music.

The time is now though! I am ready to explore this life. It seems as if I know very little anymore. High School was a cake walk, Going to community College and having a full-time job wasn’t to bad (I did have the pleasure of getting shingles due to stress though), and now I work full-time and pay bills…fuckin bummer.  I am grateful for the few good folk I stay in regular contact with, for my family and girlfriend, but there seems to be so much more I am missing out on.  I am tired of being reminded day in and out of who is actually there for me. Tired of being constantly let down by the people who’ve been closest to my heart all my life.  If I want to be let down I my as well be let down trying something new through new experience and opportunities.  I am tired of constantly being told that there is really no reason to seek other opportunities, that this place is just fine.  This place may be your paradise, but don’t try to justify the picture I’ve painted as a horrendous place because you’re simple minded.  This is okay, it really is, but don’t try to justify others unlike you because you’ll never understand them/me and I promise to do the same for you.  I promise to respect whatever it is you’d like to achieve in life. I also promise to let you know if I think you’re fucking up if you’re a good friend of mine. It’s called love is all. We could all use a little more of it.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

#FloatOnWorld

-Mess