‘Cause I’ve known lonesome things you can’t come back from’

“Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head”

So it’s 2016 officially and man oh man did 2o15 end with a bang! Like holy shit though it is seriously the year 2016. There has been another year under my belt that has slid by without much notice other than the fact that for the most everything is the same. I did make a job change this year however, but I am not sure that’s how you define whether or not its been a good year.  It was a big change for me. I went from a smaller organization within the IT field to one that I have an opportunity to really excel at.  I been given a helluva opportunity here. I love the new folk I work with and I like where their minds are at as far as we as an IT organization goes.  That is just the small talk within this blog about 2015 however. It was so much more than that! Just a couple things that come to head is the hatred and judgment in the world today, the false hope that thy neighbor is good, because they really are. The fact that so many people have given up on what they believe in. I stand before you and tell you that I believe in people. I believe in people that care and love for one another and for whatever reason life has finally paid me back for it.  I’ve spent a good chunk of my 20’s just winging it. It turns out, it was actually a helluva time. Matter of fact it was the best of times. These were some of the moments that have defined me for who I am today.

So what exactly did I find out about myself in my 20’s? I suppose that’s a fair question. My name is Jason. I am a Scorpio from the 8th day of November. I am extremely loyal and passionate about the things I love dearly. I am very observant of my surroundings. Like…I get it by now, not everyone is as cool as a Scorpio 🙂 ! So what exactly did take place in my 20’s? I can only look back and be thankful at this point. It has taught me much. I found out that College is important, but it’s not important enough to go to right out of High School if you haven’t got a clue as to what you want to do. I found out that young love hurts cause we don’t know any better. I found out that money doesn’t grow on trees, but you can “find” a lot of money if you work hard enough by pouring concrete and striping at Oglesby Construction. I found out that unfortunately it doesn’t matter how much you love someone even their time must come (RIP Grandpa). I was able to locate that place people speak of..I think they call it “Rock Bottom” yeah I found it..it’s unpleasant. I found out that life doesn’t stop rolling because you’ve failed. I found out the only way to succeed is to drop any and everything around you so you can solely focus on the task at hand. I found out sometimes you have to leave and forget about the things you care most about in order to find yourself. I found you you have to seek bigger risk to reap bigger rewards. I found out that “true” friendships are seriously diamonds in the rough, keep those folk close. I found out that by letting down your guards you can find love. I found out that loving people in general is much easier than hating. I found that those trips you took with your buddies at the age of 23 CANNOT be duplicated at the age of 28, they’ll bring new memories within themselves. I found out that the people you once cared a lot for don’t necessarily care for you anymore, it’ll be fine. I found out that I have a heart much bigger than most people I know…I think I get that from my Father. I found out regardless of what we’ve been through and what you’ve done to me i’ll still stand by your side. I’ve found out that “United We Stand, Divided We Fall” applies to many aspects of life. I found out that a “Guys” trip should always remain a “guys” trip. I found out that many men lose their testicles as soon as they get married (I’ll be nice and not name any).  I found out that your predictions of friends throughout your 20’s can change rapidly. I found out that friends change even if you try your hardest to keep them the same. I’ve met some amazing people from all over the world, which includes countries such as Brazil, Columbia, Taiwan, Germany, Ukraine and Turkey. I’ve found out the true power of corporate corruption.  I’ve found out that I am no longer able to eat pizza 3 nights in a row without my pants feeling tighter upon the next work day. I finally found out that a dollar bill doesn’t do a god damn thing for you in this world. I found out that a broken household growing up only makes your love stronger with your siblings throughout the years ( I love you Hannah and Heather). I found that no matter how many miles your Mother may live from you she’s still your Mother and the love for her cannot falter. I’ve found out that just because their considered family doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll continue being family. I found out that friends you love dearly are more applicable family members than some of those bearing your same last name. I’ve seen some loved ones move on to the next step of their lives. I’ve had the opportunity to be in 6 weddings. I have witnessed death at CPR’s end. I have brought back life from administering CPR.  I’ve experienced the fact that money isn’t everything, the value of family and friendship has shown me this. I’ve realized what used to be isn’t necessarily what is going to be. I’ve realized you can’t bring back the past no matter how much you are upset with the current. I’ve learned that alcohol can get you into some trouble. I’ve also learned that a smile can start a domino effect. I’ve learned that “You get what you put in and people get what they deserve”, it’s called Karma and she is alive and well. I’ve learned you have to move on in order to move forward and yes I understand that is as simplistic as it gets, but prove it wrong. I’ve figured out in my past 30 years the necessities to keep me moving along for my next 30 is everything I’ve previously done….wing it. That’s all we’ve been doing our entire life. I will only continue to grow and learn and “winging it” will get easier as time passes. I’ve learned that years 20-30 move by quickly. I’ve learned to never count a time with family and friends pointless,  because there is so many memories from the lamest of times. I’ve learned that at age 30 my Mother and Father are still very wise and can offer very good advice. I’ve learned that time flies by…it doesn’t stop for you nor me. It doesn’t care about your troubles, your worries. It does not give a shit if your having a hard time nor your wish upon the stars…it just keeps moving…much like a river. You can throw your pebbles and stones in it all you want and they’ll create temporary ripples and in a flash they’ll be gone…very much like your problems in this life. #FloatOnWorld

These are just some of the things I found out during my 20’s…there is so much more to tell and still shit ton I haven’t even uncovered yet.

I feel lighter just from writing this blog. Let me know what you guys think.

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

I grew so close to all the thoughts I had to leave forever

What’s happening world? So I turned 30 recently, Sunday the 8th actually. I feel as if society doesn’t accept Tom Foolery from a 30 year old, well I got news for them… Tom is very much alive in me still..(No, not Tom Riddle)? There is so much going on in my life as of late all the way from a new job, house hunting and finally figuring out what you want to do. To the younger readers, yes it really does take years to figure out what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. Actually I’d say you are very lucky if you find out what you want to do for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve found it, but I have found something that I like to do and have a good time doing it at this point in my life.  It’s a hard question to ask people, because it’s an opinion/subjective to the individual you’re asking. Some people are chasing money, some people are chasing “happiness”, and some are chasing whatever can get them on to the next day.  Moral of the story here is that I am finally at peace with what I do and it’s been a helluva run to this point and it feels good to sit back and relax at, but I am not done. With every job you should be seeking advancement somewhere/somehow. It’s on the back burner at all times for me. In time it’ll happen. I refuse to not work my ass off till I get to the point to where I want, however I understand the waiting game behind it.

When I thought about writing tonight there were a few things in my head. Some of the main things I thought about when trying to really pin point this blog was…new experiences, memories, songs, friends and just some other random stuff.  One of my favorite movies sort of inspired me when this blog came in to mind. “Goodwill Hunting” ever heard of it? Stars Robin Williams and Matt Damon…great fucking movie! Robin Williams and his park bench scene is iconic when it comes to cinematography. Give it a watch –> Goodwill Hunting Park Scene , especially if you’ve never seen the movie. I strongly urge you to see it. It’s a movie that brings clarity to some aspect of your life even if you weren’t quite looking for it. Not to mention it just may be the best 5 minutes of cinema ever recorded. That’s just my opinion.  So it’s November now, the temperatures are starting to drop, the Browns are right on schedule for sucking ass and the Buckeyes are getting ready to play Michigan before too long. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Christmas isn’t too far off itself. The department stores surely aren’t letting you forget it.  You know certain parts of the year really have the ability to remind you of things. The changing of the weather, the different smells in the air, the early onset of darkness reminds me of some of the greatest times in my life.  It’s this time of the year that you rarely, but occasionally will smell that last cut of grass before our lawns are covered with snow.  You guys ever notice that there is grass smell from mowing and then there is the smell of grass/leaves? Damn..I love it! For whatever reason it reminds me of home. I’d consider it the official smell of Collins,Ohio if I could. It’d be that or it’d be the smell of soybean and/or field corn being transported from combine to grain wagon.  This is shit you can’t learn from a book, you can’t learn from a video on YouTube. The only way you know what this smell is by the simple fact of at some point some where in your life you’ve been there. I don’t know why these two smells have had such a strong impact on my life, but they have.  As far as this time of year goes it is somewhat depressing, yet exciting in other aspects.  Every year around this time our Football season was coming to a dramatic ending and Basketball was about to begin. If you weren’t in Basketball the Weight-room was your hangout for the next 4mo’s and you were completely okay with that. Your friends were your family. I’d go to School till 3:45, Weightroom till 6:15’ish, go home eat supper, do homework..repeat. It’s all you knew for about 2-3 years. When you really think about it the 2-3 years is nothing. Those 2-3 however make/break people. There has been 10 years since then so why can’t I remember these years as clearly as I do those 2-3? My head Football coach always told me it will soon all be a blur…none of us believed him. I am under the assumption you cannot make any little shit head high schooler believe that though.  What do you know? Coach Stoll was exactly right.  Looking back on it, it really was a blur. However, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I know you’re not supposed to live in the past, but god damnit don’t forget the times that molded you.

This time of year I tend to lean heavily upon music I grew up on. NoFx, Bad Religion, Less Than Jake, Blink 182, Rise Against, Anti-Flag, Taking Back Sunday, The Descendents and The Dropkick Murphy’s. Damn, I could go on and on about these fellas here.  Most of all stuff I can relate to. A simple line of lyrics can hook me for a week just on a particular song.  There are a few bands that have the ability to completely steal all of my attention at any point. Modest Mouse, Blink 182, Angels & Airwaves, Rise Against just to name a few.  Damn, these bands have some songs that can speak to me like no other.  You know when your speaking music it’s crazy the memories that the song can bring up.  Most of the memories don’t even include the bands I mentioned here.  I am 10 years out of high school and can’t listen to a Bon Jovi song without thinking of my friend Ravin playing the drums at our Homecoming bonfire.  I can’t listen to Blink 182 without thinking of my Sophomore year study hall mid-day without thinking of 2 people in particular. Every time I hear “Please Play This Song On The Radio” by NoFx I think of my friend Brittany and riding in her old Ford Escort on some random back road in Collins Ohio.  I could go on and on. “Los Angeles Is Burning” by Bad Religion…My Buddy Andy and I were playing NCAA in my basement at my Dads non-stop. He was supposed to be going to College at the time, but there was NCAA to be played. We played for hours…we didn’t care about a thing in the world besides that.  Anytime I hear a Boxcar Racer song I think of riding in my buddies Ford Ranger going to his g/f’s house at the time.  I can’t fathom how much music actually does for me. It just speaks to me in so many ways that I can’t speak about, but it’s a beautiful connection. If you’ve never been able to honestly feel the music, I wish that someday a song will move you.  You know as we get older here it’s actually really weird that at one point we at least acted like we cared for one another.  It felt really genuine at the time, but as I get older I often question it’s authenticity.  It seems as if it was a more than a here and now ordeal to get on to the next day. Am I dick for saying? I don’t particularly care anymore.  It turns out “true” and “honest” friendships are very much a temporary thing in your life.  Five years ago I could spout off 10 people that I’d want standing next to me on my wedding day. It’d be hard to get five now, i’d manage to get five additional because of the people I “know”, but they could care less as to why you’re getting married. Nobody today takes the time to talk to you with sincerity, it’s actually somewhat of a joke. Perhaps I am just being extremely negative tonight, but these feelings have been around for several years now so I am not so sure as to how fake they actually are?  I am semi-excited to move out east come January just to see who will remain. I mean for fuck sake we had two of our best friends in town this Saturday and multiple people were mere miles away and didn’t even show up. Some showed up and left without even saying goodbye, well from me to you guys “You can go kindly fuck yourself”. Some didn’t even show up..from me to you guys ” You can literally go fuck yourself”.  Perhaps I should stop writing for the night or perhaps you should just start being better friends or perhaps things will continue and we’ll just pretend they don’t (like we do now).  HAHA it really is what it is. I say this because we all continue to do exactly what we (or what your wife) want to do.  We don’t question one another to harshly (even though some of us should), we don’t even ask one another how are week is going (even though I’d we’d love someone to talk to about it) and last but not least…we don’t even think about asking one another how things are going. I would apologize for my negative post here, but I would actually never do that. I wish more people would learn how to voice their opinion whether it be in actual conversation or via journal (or blog). We all have inconsistencies in everyday life and most of us could learn from one another, but until we learn to communicate with one another it’ll never happen.  This is negative Nancy..over and out!

“If life’s not beautiful without the pain,
well I’d just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.”

#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

Well, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am

Man I feel like a ghost on here right now. The same way I’ve been feeling with life lately, but we’ll get to that here in a bit. I’ve been meaning to post something for several weeks now, just life has been getting in the way ya know?  Like this shit that you know that has to happen..happens. You are well aware of planning around it, but for whatever reason we accept it’s inconvenient ways with open arms.  Like what the fuck? It’s like we are completely aware of all the irrelevant shit that we’re doing day in and out and it’s somehow okay.  We allow it to be okay, because others allow it to be ok. Where the hell am I going with any of this right now?  It’s been several weeks since I have written anything and quite frankly I dearly miss it. I love writing…a blank white page and your thoughts..it’s peaceful. It brings a slice of life to me that I am unable to obtain otherwise.  These past few weeks my life has been a roller coaster without the climax…it’s had it’s up’s and downs, still waiting for the ending however. I’m waiting for the period where I sit back and decide whether or not it was worth the ride. Real life experience however can’t be bought…I am a living real life experience right now and it’s quite lovely.

I have been employed by a lovely company for the past 3 years.  Some of the people I have met I hope to keep close. Smart phones and tablets have been allowing this for years yet we fail to grasp the important aspects of these devices. These devices which were meant to keep us closer have only kept us further apart.  There are several people that I will wish to stay in contact with. I love these people. They’re the type of people that are put into your life to stay…for awhile anyhow. You folk know exactly what I am talking about here. You meet someone and you’re like HOLY SHIT…why is this person so much like me, why do they think like me, and why is their thought process like mine? These are the people that you’ll remember down the road. Perhaps it’ll be one conversation you had with them that may help you in a moment of need. Perhaps it’ll be their actions in which you’ve witnessed that’ll help you in a time of need. Perhaps it’ll just be a simple reminder of who they are and what they believe in that’ll get you along the way one day. These are the things I seek out in people..these are the things I look forward to when I meet a stranger.  If I don’t know you it is the intriguing thought that only brings me closer.  You know the what if, the when, the where…I just love people in general. The stories and different aspects of imagination they bring to the table could keep me intrigued for much longer than bullshit coffee talk could. Weather talk, sports talk. work talk….c’mon….and I love me some fucking sports talk…but I have no need for it outside of a couple craft beers couldn’t handle.  We humans stick to the basics too often to actually get to know one another.  I have rolled the dice for the first time in my life because of this on going issue around this place. People around here seem to be scared of change, scared of the what if and the what about tomorrow…I don’t get it.  I am here to let you know the only sure signs of life are quite simple to notice. The flutter in your chest, the wrench in your gut, the goosebumps that appear on your arms that send shivers up your spine, and the fear that’ll strike you frozen. <– These emotions are the ones that keep us leveled. These are the ones that keep us pushing on, these are the ones that keep us in check in knowing that we are alive and well.

I swear that within this life we’ll learn to accept one anothers differences, we’ll learn to befriend thy neighbor…we’ll learn to be civil towards one another. It’s fucking disgusting…I know so many good people.  I know so many people that want to constantly categorize themselves just to fit in I’m assuming. It is crazy what people are willing to do to label themselves. Get the fuck outta here with that shit haha…like I won’t take you serious if you come to work preaching politics over a morning cup of coffee.  There is many things outside of this irrelevant bubble of speech.  I could care less about who the next puppet of the oval office will be.  We’ll learn to dislike our court system over certain court cases before we truly start disagreeing with the actual actions of our next president. Most of you will go into the next presidential election solely based on the Republican and Democratic party status and not think twice about it.  Most of us will go home that night and sleep tight because we picked who we thought should be the winner as if we did a job well done that day. We’ll all walk around with our head’s held a little higher and a slight skip to our step because we made a difference that morning. We’ll walk go on living our day to day life trying to justify to one another why it was right or wrong to vote for him or her on this or that.  Democracy is dead people. The only thing that we have an honest say on anymore are the “issues”. School Levys, Fire Fighters, Amendments, Libraries and hell even this November marijuana.  Your vote does in fact count towards these things. Every vote is counted towards what you voted for. There isn’t any electoral college to say otherwise.  That is all I really have tonight, but damn it’s good to be writing again. I miss it…life has been busy as hell lately. It’s going well though I think..I mean it’s the only life I have ever known so..yeah…things are going well.  I am going to leave on a quote I’ve recently read out of a newly acquired book.  “Be true to yourself, because there are only a few people that will stay true to you” <– I wholeheartedly believe that Mr.Daley.

 

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

 

 

And Im Thinking Of A World Where People Wouldn’t Fuck You For Money

“You see I’m thinking of a world, where people stop and think for themselves
And I’m thinking of a world, where people wouldn’t fuck you for money
And I know, it’s just a dream, but it’s one I won’t let go ’cause I’m so tired of getting fucked
By you and you, and you and you…”

As most of you know all of my post titles up to this point has been song lyrics. Songs have always just had a way of speaking to me and my thoughts flourish when they hear them. I feel sorry for the individuals that haven’t the ability to feel the music. It’s an experience I feel few have obtained. You can (I can) tell the ones that have that ability. Their lives seem more joyous. You’re able to see it in their step, their body language and their attitude whenever the music hits them…anywho

How does it go everyone? It has been a minute since I’ve written anything. I can promise you I haven’t been doing much. I have been reading the “Bounty Hunter Code” where I am able to learn what it takes to become Boba Fett. It’s pretty wicked, no big deal.  I find myself only wanting to write when I become inspired by something. I mean that’s sort of a cliche statement. Most people who write are inspired by something I guess? I mean some might be writing because they had a big time novel and now they are writing just because the audience will buy the next without thinking twice. Maybe you’re just writing because you fucking want to, in that case touche!  Writing for me isn’t on a professional level nor am I trying to be graded on the grammar and literal aspect of it, but It is a way for me to escape a world that is constantly putting pressure on me.  The pressures come from every aspect of our day-to-day living. We’re not easily able to hide from it. It is not easily ignored, fuck it’s not easy to be awake for no more than 5 minutes in the morning without feeling the stress of life.  I am here to tell you the secret. I know a SECRET OF LIFE that I am willing to share with you folk. If you happened to read this blog it’ll be well worth your time.  So here it is…… I have come to conclusion and I remind myself daily of it…. EVERYONE is just out here in life winging it..Everybody is fucking winging from day-to-day hoping to get through it and onto the next one.  It really is that simple I’ve come to realize.  People are just trying to live like they know how to. Some people are comfortable with the complacency their agenda based lives offer them. Some people are gamblers and like rolling the dice from day to day a little more aggressively.  At the end of the day we all have one goal in common, to make it to the next.  That is my secret…not much of a secret now. Life doesn’t require a cable connection to see whats going on. The TV is often mistaken as the window of society, but you’ve been fooled. To see what’s going on and truly appreciate it, it takes one to challenge themselves once in awhile. If you are fine with a simple life (I am no one to say what simple is) then so be it, but it would behoove one to challenge themselves in some way or another. I push myself in the gym regularly. It’s how I break the chains of everyday life and with progress it only propels me.

Another thing I reflect on daily is my purpose here. This helps me stay leveled.  I am not talking on a religious standpoint either. Back to the seeing the world through your own eyes as opposed to the views of your television is something I strive for.  I love people…I love talking to people, interacting with people and I just really enjoy another’s company. I love talking to strangers at the pub while enjoying a beer and a laugh together. I love listening to people. I find their stories mesmerizing. It’s crazy to think that there are strangers out there just like you. The crazy thing about friendship is you sorta just start talking to someone you haven’t before and if you find what they say enjoyable you’ll talk again and before you know it you’ve made a new friend. An extraordinary weird concept I know, but I love every aspect of it. You speak to them they speak to you and once you’ve obtained the complete friendship label (Facebook doesn’t count) you’ve got the magnificent ability to open your hearts to them. You have a chance to speak to them on grounds in which you dare not travel unless you’ve got a trusted friend. The conversations you’ll have will fill you with laughter and sadness, both in which you’ll come to appreciate equally. The conversations will leave you being able to feel their words. That feeling you end up with is love. This brings me to a quote, which I love dearly (see what I did there)

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.” –Albus Dumbledore

If you think about it, you’ll be able to put this into perspective immediately. The friendliest faces you interact with daily are ones who genuinely just love people. Their the ones that will lend an ear when everyone else has left. Their the ones who will spot you the $5 when you haven’t any food without expecting it in return. You know the ones that give you the time of day to appreciate you for who you are and what you do. Time is limited here. We don’t have the ability to buy more and we remain unsure of when our’s will run out. Be the change you’d wish to see amongst your peers. You’ll feel better..I promise you. It’s not worth the time nor effort to remain fake or neglect those that have love for you.  So this is who I am. I am at peace with my place here. I love helping people, I love people, and I thoroughly enjoy being a good friend. I have many good friends in which I love. Some in which I feel have neglected it over time here, but people are busy. Busy worrying about stuff they shouldn’t be and it’s not their fault. They just haven’t awoken yet.  I try my best not to fault you guys for it and I promise I’ll do my damnedest even in the hardest and darkest of times to keep us together. Until our next conversation, which I excitingly await, I’ll be here winging it day-to-day and I’ll be completely okay in my journey doing so. At the same time however get a hold of me. Let’s have a beer and converse while we remain able to do so!

Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!

#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

“Burn it up, or just chop it down. This one’s done, so where to now?”

Since I am writing this piece for Jason’s blog I decided to continue his tradition of titling each writing with a lyric – and it’s MM to boot! This title/ lyric is particularly fitting because I want to address our “throw away” culture.

Everything is thought to be disposable any more. Whether it’s an item purchased at the store, a thought, or human being. We have become too comfortable throwing things away. Of course, some items are made to be discarded. Heck, disposable razors have it right there in their name. However, a plethora of reusable and quality products are thrown in the trash. Landfills are over flowing with objects that the homeless, or communities of poorer countries would deem treasures. We want bigger, better, and when it’s not enough we toss it aside – regardless of the fact that it still has value. The physical aspect of this trend can easily be observed as it has a visible effect, but what about the emotional impact and changes we have undergone in this decade of disposability?

How have we become so comfortable with throwing away people? Living people are not disposable, because disposable items are items that have lost value and are no longer functional, or purpose serving. Since when does a human LIFE lose value? Become worthless? They don’t. Somehow we have trained ourselves to un-see this. We’ve lost compassion, loyalty, and empathy – fundamental building blocks of any human-to-human relationship. We throw away life-long friendships over petty things. We discard people we love because they require work. We abort children without a second thought because it requires responsibility. Fuck you if you’re the slightest inconvenience. Fuck you if I have to put in work. So, fuck me, right? What happened to fixing things that are broken? It’s BULLSHIT that we have become so detached. It’s natural to have emotions. We’re humans, not robots. Though it’s hard to tell when your relationships are built over computer screens. Quit pretending that things don’t hurt you. We have lessened the perceived value of feelings by claiming that they don’t exist, and that they hold no value. Stop selling yourself for likes.  Don’t you wonder WHY you feel so God damn empty? Things aren’t supposed to be like this. Get an opinion. Care about other people. DO SOMETHING.

So often you hear people saying, “The world has gone to shit.”  “Nobody cares anymore.”  But they sit back and let it continue. Change begins with you. The generations before us may not have been as advanced, but, man, does it seem like they knew how to hold on to things. Car broke down? They fixed it. Pants got a rip? They sewed them. Things got tough in a relationship? They worked at it. It shouldn’t be such a foreign concept to us. Recycle. Repurpose. Reinvest. Repair…  before this throw away culture turns us all to trash.

 

–Brianna Hammond

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.

I had the pleasure of seeing Bad Religion and Rise Against at Chill on the Hill up in Michigan in the fall of 2014.  Two of my favorite bands and damn do I love me some music from these two. Bad Religion allows me to go back to simpler times with people who didn’t worry about what was going to happen 5 minutes from now.  Just like in “How I Met Your Mother” the saying where Ted tells Marshall to let future Marshall worry about that.  Those were times in which I never intend on forgetting. I know they may be damn near impossible to duplicate these days at least with the same people I once did.  Is it all to much to ask for times like this again though?  I truly don’t believe times like these are to far out of reach.  It’s a shame that the utopia we once dreamed of has been lost. I assure you it’s still within our sights you just have to look for it.

Rise Against gives my inner child/teenage self the ability to remember growing up at times that I wanted to set the entire world on fire. I once held on to a lot of anger while wearing a smile day in and out.  I grasped onto music early in my life. I had an older step sister and brother who listened to a lot of early 90’s music. Nirvana, Bush, Marilyn Manson, Bob Dylan. Smashing Pumpkins, 311, Silverchair, and Limp Bizkit. This is a good general picture for you of the cds I had at my disposal.  I’d go home do homework and listen to the cd…starting at track 1 and ending it when it was over. I came engulfed in the lyrics for some of these bands and to this day I listen for the lyrics extremely closely while listening to music. If you allow it to, it’ll paint a picture for you and it’s beautiful in most cases. Without pain love doesn’t mean much, without the ugly beauty wouldn’t seem some beautiful.

 “I remember the day, between the past and the pain. We were never afraid of places unknown. There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air. We will never be scared of letting go. What happened to the world I used to know?.”

These lyrics speak to me. They open my heart. An open heart with honest words is one of the last pure forms of communication there is. Everything is filtered through social networks and mass media these days. We deem them good/bad based on shares and likes.  This isn’t communicating with one another.  This type of technology created to bring us closer together has only put a greater silent space between us.  I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a group of friends I haven’t spent time with in quite sometime. Reason being…we had a really good friend get married. At this point it occurred to me that in all of the good that took place this weekend being the realist semi-pessimist I am it takes such events to get the people you love together.  It seems as if the hassle isn’t worth the heart break anymore really. I’ll keep trucking along however.

Chances blown..nothings free…longing for…what used to be….

^^Those words right there have a way of speaking to me as if my self in the past life has passed these along to me. I feel so strongly for these words that I think about them daily. It’s a daily though based on the sadness I have for “what used to be”. I know people must move on…actually no I don’t.  I don’t believe in that one fucking bit. When did we stop caring so much for one another we’re going to start lying to one another about what we’re doing this weekend so we have a valid excuse as to why were not hanging out? When the fuck did we get so caught up with life to where we couldn’t appreciate one another’s love and appreciation. The act of completely disregarding each other do to some falsifying justification is absurdity at its finest.  When it comes down to it I just really miss my friends. Is that a crime? The world is so god damn beautiful the way it just continues with or without you. It continues with no sense of entitlement, no sense of right or wrong and hasn’t a clue as to what time it is.  It cares not for how old you are, for how long you’ve been miserable/happy, and it certainly doesn’t give a shit whether or not you’re upset with it. Time keeps ticking just as it did yesterday and the day before not knowing or caring what took place. What we/I need to do is keep trucking as I was yesterday and the day before.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

You can’t know, You can never really know, Would you want to know

“You can’t know
You can’t ever really know
Would you really want to know
How the hell would you know”

Today was the first time I took the longboard out around the little town of Huron and it was beautiful. I took a stroll out to the
lighthouse down the crowded pier and then set up shop in the little park thats sort’ve by the Brass. It’s a go to spot for me come summertime. If
you go later in the evening perhaps even as the sun is setting the kids and families will slowly vanish and it becomes a much more peaceful spot.
It’s funny really, the lesser the people the more of an attraction a place has. Let me make it clear that I wasn’t looking for social activity such as I
would be if I am heading out for the night.

In my direct 180 degrees of vision from this cold green bench I can see numerous wildlife. One squirrel, 5 seaguls swimming and several
Robins fetching for worms. I don’t know why but I often find myself just staring at birds as they fly above the water. It’s rather fascinating. They fly
so peacefully without fear of crashing, fear of heights and they sure as shit don’t care about the other wildlife around them. Granite most birds are
fucking stupid anyhow and their inability to have cognitive thinking probably helps these traits. It’s almost worthy of envy. Give these birds the
world and they capitalize on it all. Every aspect of it. The water, the air, the grass, the trees all of it. Give a human the world and we have the ability
of fucking it up and then some. I am not even sure where I am going with this besides being a bird would be fucking awesome. Only if more people
could be like birds I guess would also be cool. We have the ability to roam free, but get stuck and choose to be stagant within a strict radius we’ve
constructed in our god damn extraordinary awesome minds. Fear will pull us around by the genitals and make us take seat if things become
unfamiliar. So after several days, perhaps months even years the fear will no longer be there. It will no longer be there because it has passed it’s
crushing genital ways along to the “GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HEAD” regret. We all know this feeling and I am sure you’ve all screamed this before
whether it be out loud or to yourself. To be honest I am fighting a battle at this exact moment, but mine has to do with fear. Taking a leap of faith
is the term I’d like to use here. Faith in the fact that everything ends up working out. You know why everything works out? Because life does not
end because you make a life changing decision. Unless you’re a jumper then unfortunately I am sure that is in fact a life ender… Life will continue as
it did before and we as humans will adapt to the new ways. We have the ability to learn on the go. We aren’t hardwired like wildlife. We have the
ability to learn new things daily and its fucking mesmerizing. Learning things new everyday just because we decided we wanted to learn it. “I really
wish I could teach myself to fly above the water just like this damn seagull..that’d be kickass”.

This blog has been brought to you by me from this cold green metal bench and damnit it feels good to be outside and alive today. This
weather really wakes the lake up. From the humans who reside within the communities that are on the lake to the wildlife that uses its lovely
tainted algae infested fresh water! I love it…I really do love ALL of it. I wonder if the people I see off in the distance are thinking about what I am
thinking? I wonder if they realize every person they come across in life are facing demons of their own and overcoming obstacles daily to survive
just like them. I wonder if they wonder if I wonder about these things, because I do. I appreciate anyone who can take a break from their lives and
come lakeside and just stare out into it. There is a girl over in the gazebo reading a book, there is a couple walking 2 dogs connected by one leash,
there are 2 teenage boys throwing rocks out into the lake and 2 guys out in a little row boat just minding their own. THIS is the shit I appreciate. I
know it isn’t much, but god damnit it sure beats the hell outta a 9-5. It beats everything that I’ve done in the past week. Sure I implemented a new IP
phone system at my workplace that helped out a lot of people and it was educational. That is nothing to me though….I honestly don’t feel anything
from doing that. I did it because I had to do it. My fingers are starting to become numb from the chill wind coming off the lake so I need to wrap
this up. Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. I am not saying make blind decisions, but you can and it’ll be okay. I personally
like to research each decision I do anymore. I’ve become very analytical it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but analyzing everything can be very
tiresome when you have someone like myself who’s brain never stops turning. It is times like these when I am staring out into the lake where I can
think freely.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

MOHAWK

I suppose a quick introduction is in order. My name is Shawn Patrick Thomas Daley and I am a Recording Engineer and Producer who is owner/primary catalyst of The Mohawk Studio located in Huron, Ohio. I play bass guitar for the Tom Frietchen Band. I am an award-winning DJ who entertained people on two different continents. The book MOHAWK (by Paul Fuhr) is 280-ish pages about my life.

For some reason Jason asked me to take up space here with my Zippy-the-Pinhead-esque nonsensical blithering’s. So from deep inside my music imaginatorium I present to you the following warning. Do not take yourself – (or me) too seriously…I mean that.

 

Every day I try to put into perspective why (or how) I survived this long. I’ve consumed (what the FDA considers) a lethal amount of Swedish Fish. I’ve had cancer was told my days remaining on Earth were only in double digits (I was 22yrs old). I have 6 screws and 3 steel plates in my skull. There are plenty of other rational reasons I should have bit the dust a long time ago, but hey.. buy the book! (right?)

I’d like to think that some supreme universal power cast down a mighty bolt, and said; “Here you go Humans, here’s Shawn – he’s a great producer and Recording Engineer, he makes amazing coffee – go make music” and with that the skies parted and a large Monty Python-ish foot kicks me into being.  Okay, that was a bit embellished.. at least it wasn’t boring. Thing is..  it just didn’t happen that way. I had to work my ass off to learn and manifest these skills in Music.

Every single thing we work for and love has levels of difficulty, those can be measured simply as obstacles. There are obstacles that we all face, they are there and they will torture/torment you. These you cannot control and you must learn from to make it to the next level of the Donkey Kong game we call life. Then there are obstacles that we create. These are the self-destructive little second guesses that tear a hole in our dreams. I had to stop and make myself work through all those to make my life where its at now, I’m still fighting though, you never really cure yourself of all the self doubt or disintegrating self esteem…  but I look at how I got here and remember to be positive, no matter the struggle. My next book (due out here in a few weeks) deals with much of this struggle. I share some of the little bits of life that I have used to keep on going, those philosophical ramblings that I think about before I have to face the everyday mountain climb that is music producing and recording.

Here is an excerpt from my next book on keeping motivated, and how crazy it is that we even exist to begin with.

 

There are plenty of obstacles in your path,

Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.

 

Get out of your own way, life offers up plenty of speed bumps:

 

  • Probability of boy meeting girl: one in 20,000.
  • Probability of same boy getting same girl pregnant: one in 2000.
  • Probability of right sperm meeting right egg: one in 400 quadrillion.
  • Probability of every one of your ancestors reproducing successfully: one in 1045,000
  • Probability of you being born: one in 102,685,000

 

As a comparison, the approximate number of atoms in the known universe is 1080.

So what’s the probability of your being born? It’s the probability of 2.5 million people getting together — about the population of San Diego — each to play a game of dice with trillion-sided dice. They each roll the dice — and they all come up the exact same number — say, 550,343,279,001.

 

Don’t you think that those stats aren’t enough reason to stop making life more difficult for yourself?

Stop thinking everything that happens to you is someone else’s fault

Stop Broadcasting to the world your misfortunes

Stop being the victim

Stop getting in your own way.

 

Well, there you go – the first glimpse. I hope this helps some of you with keeping on the right path and focused on the good in yourself.

Thanks to Jason for letting me ramble and I hope I get invited back.

 

Later Gaters,

S(p)TD

Every time you think you’re talking you’re just moving your mouth

“Standing in the tall grass
Thinking nothing
You know we need oxygen to breath”

So I went to Clearwater, Florida the 15th of February and returned the 20th of February. It was quite chilly down there. Like seriously I wore khakis and a sweatshirt all week. Fuck my life right? Granite it’s disappointing I would’ve never had the opportunity to see just how much the sand there resembles sugar. It’s white and finer than any sand I’ve ever had the opportunity of feeling run through my fingers and toes. The beach front goes for miles and the width of the beach itself is in a league of its own, about the width of a Football field.  This is something I don’t get to see often, so basically it’s something that is as intriguing as it gets for me.  I have always been one to look for things that are different from my neck of the woods.  If we are not constantly seeking something different we are being stagnant in which I cannot do.  I know I haven’t done anything to prove this otherwise, but can you not feel it? Can you not feel it when you start becoming nothing more than what you do day and out?

It has been several weeks since I’ve visited Florida and tbh I know I couldn’t live there. Sure it has one of the most prestigious beaches in America however there is nothing more.  Sure it does entail a couple more cool tourist shops. One in particular has a Flowrider within the store. If you are unaware of what a Flowrider is you can find one at the hell forsaken grounds of Kalahari.   I am not quite sure what I am seeking, but I do know that it isn’t just concrete and sand. Perhaps I am being extremely picky and even quite hard headed, however why would I pick something not fairly different from what I am use to waking up and seeing everyday? I am use to it, I wake up every day…every morning. I see the same scenery whether it be Winter or Summer.  The same faces that are closest to me share the same stories day in and out.  Their lives are stagnant and that is their choice. They refuse to go out and socialize. Give me a complete stranger, give me 15 minutes of talking to them and I can generally decide whether or not I’d like to continue.  I don’t want to make it sound like I hate talking to the people I am dear friends with.  I think I am just seeking more out of life than they.  You cannot measure it by any means. Don’t even try to measure it by societal movements and ideas either cause I’ll go off.  I hate categorization (unless we’re talking movies). Absolutely no reason for it. I try to fend off the negative vibes every day with people.  It isn’t something a weak minded individual is able to do very easily.  This is why we see some of our dearest friends disappear into the unknown.  Sure you know what they are doing…sort of.  You follow them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram….great!  Your only interaction with the people closest to your heart is through an LCD screen.  This is semi-depressing for me. Ask the ones I am closest with. I am very transparent about my thoughts on friends I once had, very open about the friends I have yet to meet.  It’s crazy to think there are folk out there you’ve spent majority of your life with, folk that know everything about you.  Yet, you don’t talk to them nor see them anymore. A mere ghost in life, just the passing of the wind it seems like.  The real catch is if you graph it on a timeline there is very little room in which their not in your life.  I guess this is where I have been struggling. Struggling with the ability to cope with loss. What used to be isn’t exactly easily duplicated nor should it be. These memories serve me pure happiness, yet they’re my worst nightmares.  O.A.R has been lying to me all along with their bullshit of a line “Well, in the end my friend, we will all be together again”. Bunch of liars…I still like their music.

The time is now though! I am ready to explore this life. It seems as if I know very little anymore. High School was a cake walk, Going to community College and having a full-time job wasn’t to bad (I did have the pleasure of getting shingles due to stress though), and now I work full-time and pay bills…fuckin bummer.  I am grateful for the few good folk I stay in regular contact with, for my family and girlfriend, but there seems to be so much more I am missing out on.  I am tired of being reminded day in and out of who is actually there for me. Tired of being constantly let down by the people who’ve been closest to my heart all my life.  If I want to be let down I my as well be let down trying something new through new experience and opportunities.  I am tired of constantly being told that there is really no reason to seek other opportunities, that this place is just fine.  This place may be your paradise, but don’t try to justify the picture I’ve painted as a horrendous place because you’re simple minded.  This is okay, it really is, but don’t try to justify others unlike you because you’ll never understand them/me and I promise to do the same for you.  I promise to respect whatever it is you’d like to achieve in life. I also promise to let you know if I think you’re fucking up if you’re a good friend of mine. It’s called love is all. We could all use a little more of it.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

#FloatOnWorld

-Mess

My Thumbprint

This is a poem my friend Ryan wrote and has allowed me to share it.  Enjoy!

My Thumbprint

 

My mom attempted suicide on my 16th birthday. She didn’t succeed.

Failures don’t fall far from the tree.

I joined the Army. While in Basic Training my dad fell off my brother, Kevin’s roof,

and has rendered him confined to a wheelchair. Kevin’s an Asshole.

In Iraq I watched my best friend killed. It was a shot to the head by a hidden sniper.

Since our return home, two more of my Army buddies died.

Nick- this past September in a motorcycle accident.

Jason- couldn’t take it anymore and killed himself in October.

Abby. Oh, Abby.  I never thought I’d ever meet my girlfriend’s boyfriend. I hope you two are happy.

I got the money back for the ring. Kay’s Jewelry has an awesome return policy.

Jail sucked. Two DUIs in six months? This isn’t me.

Being homeless was an

awful experience.I have an apartment now.

I guess you could say I’m home more. I can’t control the headaches.

I can’t sleep. I don’t even want to dream.

Worse than all this, I’m a Cleveland Browns fan.

-Ryan R.

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#FloatOn you ugly yet beautiful world!