Say Goodbye to Being Left Out, Hello Friend Please Come On In

Man oh man, it’s been a minute. Actually more like a year. I believe my last official post was in November of 2016. So there has been a bit that has happened since then, but damn it feels good to start writing again. I need this, I need this in order to find peace within myself. I’ve always struggled in finding words verbally. I shy away at times and shoulder pain when I shouldn’t. This blank canvas here allows my thoughts to transcend onto it without physically speaking and it feels good. I can feel the load on my shoulders lighten with each word produced by my fingertips.

Where have I been? What have I been doing? Nothing really, my life isn’t that action packed so calm down.  I think I had mentioned in my last blog or the one before that I had purchased a house. A house takes a shit load of time, chores every day, things to worry about every day. It go to a point to where I was stressing over things and I still do, that’s just my personality. Stressing I guess could be misread from the anxiety I have in regards to just general every day task with home ownership and life in general, but life goes on and doesn’t hold up for anyone. Believe me I’ve tried and nope the days keep coming. Not only do they keep coming, but they cannot promise better times from day to day. You have to seek out the the light. Some people will read this and roll their eyes, but the reality of it is that people around us are struggling everyday. People have the capability of putting a smile on, people have the capability of bearing large amounts of weight on their shoulders. I for one have an astounding capability of carrying a large amount of weight before I break, just ask my wife. She alone has seen it and knows when there is too much there. This blog’s intention isn’t to speak on behalf of anxiety although I am sure I could put one together quite easily with that. Do like a day in the life with someone with anxiety and I’d crack jokes at myself about it to explain it to ya’ll. That’s how I cope with it is through sarcasm and comedy. Some may find that insulting and that isn’t my intention, but everyone deals with things differently. You don’t need to have 30 years of wisdom to understand that.

Okay, back to the why the hell have I been? Why did I stop blogging? Why did I stop doing the thing that ultimately helps me? Helps me in a way that I can’t even put into words for you to understand. The comfort and peace of mind that comes with blogging for me isn’t a tangible item. The released pressure from within isn’t a measurable calculation. The past year has been rough for me. Not in a physical sense or relationship sense. I would consider myself to have a pretty good life, great marriage and relationship with my friends and peers. I’ve been promoted and have made some good leaps forward in my career. However, this past year I started focusing on things that I had no control over, things that many people probably focus on and don’t even mean to. Things such as social media, other peoples “pages” if you will. This road is BAD, this road will lead to something you’d wish you never sought out in the first place. It’s an issue that has been brought to life by things such as social media. Whether it be Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and etc. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I go there? Why can’t I do this, that, and such? I went down that road. I didn’t intend to do that, it sort’ve just happened. It’s a road everyone needs to stay clear of, it will destroy who you are. I kept telling myself I needed to get back to writing, get back to clearing my mind on a more scheduled occurrence that I was used to. Like I was jealous of people I didn’t even fucking know?  I was hating on people for doing things that I didn’t like and/or agree with. I was pissed I moved to a town where I didn’t know a single person and I let that eat me alive. This is not who I am or brought up to be. I had been talking myself into getting back into the swing of things for awhile as far as blogging goes. I started to journal a little bit about my frustrations with everything really and it all signs pointed to me. I was the single reason as to why I was more or less just in a hateful place. A place that is so easy to get to. This place didn’t understand change, didn’t understand difference nor wanted them. This place was just full of fucking hate, jealousy and envy. My side journals where I did some “free-writing” led me to this conclusion. I would pick an actual pen up and write for 1-minute. Just words and thoughts to empty the flood gates and then I dwelled on it. How the fuck did this happen? When the fuck did my soul become unhappy? I know too many fucking awesome people to get here!

Everyone’s unhappy
Everyone’s ashamed
Well, we all just got caught looking
At somebody else’s page

Hate, Jealousy and Envy don’t hold shit on LOVE. Love stands at the top of human emotions for good damn reason. It has a way to fucking wipe the table with anything else and bring itself to the forefront for no reason at all.  People get passionate about shit for no reason and cannot explain it. The binding ingredient is love, people can’t explain it nor deny it. It’s an emotion that has been talked about for centuries through literature and these days through plays, movies, TV shows and music. You can’t go a day without seeing the word, hearing the word in some form or thinking about it without even realizing it. So why do we push it away, ignore it like it isn’t there? Unfortunately love can also produce the deepest scars. It can drive us crazy, whether it good or bad. It can completely take control of our life and our decisions. People get blinded by it and thus get hurt. Don’t let this stop you from ever accepting love again though, love is everywhere it really is. Jealousy, Envy and Hate although much easier to find can also keep you blinded much longer. I have so many people in my life that I am so grateful for, so many friends that I can honestly say I love. Contrary to popular belief you can love someone without being intimate. Put a smile on and enjoy life. There is just too much pure joy and love in this world to deny it.

You must lose that anger, lose all that hate, it ain’t gonna work no more
You see this world is ran by love and absolutely nothing more

 

Title of blog is lyrics from: Free – Street Dogs

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

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Float On,

Mess

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