“It’s alright to tell me what you think about me I won’t try to argue or hold it against you”

“The punk rock ethos exists in a form where kids can adopt it and become unique, become individuals and celebrate the fact that their outcast and the more of an outcast you become the better you feel about yourself. You use it for the wrong way when you try to judge other people for not being something. You’re missing the point entirely.”

-Tom Delonge

      I know as most of you read this you’re probably thinking to yourself “What the hell does Tom Delonge know about punk rock?” Truth is I couldn’t honestly answer that. I don’t personally know Tom, nor have I ever met him. I do know that I wouldn’t ever turn down the opportunity to meet him though. So Tom if you ever come across this blog on the vast internet i’d be down to meet you. For what it’s worth I’ve always really liked Blink-182. This blog isn’t about all Blink before you stop reading though. This blog comes from a couple months of thoughts of just random thoughts that I’ve been pondering. I am actually skipping a couple blogs for this. I had a bachelor party and I got married between the last blog and this one. Blogs for those will be coming just not tonight. I’ve recently turned 31 who cares right? Age is just a number what you do and how you feel is really what makes you who you are. What you choose to do with your life determines the youth in your soul. This has probably been the busiest year to date in my life. Like I mentioned before I got married, but I also purchased a home earlier this year. A busy year it has been for me, it has not slowed me down however. If I’ve ever felt a bit of resistance in life, believe you me I fight it. It’s my trade by nature. Consider me the devils advocate of life if you will. I don’t understand why so many willingly lay amongst the wayside and let life take it’s toll?  Perhaps you could offer more resistance against the powers that be in life? I’ve met so many pushovers now that I am in the business world.  It turns out that there really are people that like to be told what to do , how to do it, and what deadline to meet.

“I don’t know who this person is, but I’ve seen his face before
A face I don’t wanna have to face, I don’t think I like me anymore”  #NoFx

    Which leads me upon to my next part in this blog.  It was November 14th, Monday night. I just got off work and met a buddy at a Red Robin, we were heading to a show in Cleveland that night. I get there he finishes his beer and we leave. It’s a 25 minute commute to downtown. I recently found out about a very unknown parking garage right downtown and its dirt cheap. We parked there and it was pretty bare. Some cars, but not enough to make us think twice about pounding a tall boy. We sat there talked about old shows we’ve been to and finished our beer. We went down to East 4th and stopped at corner alleys and bought a beer.  I got a Fat Tire….I fucking love Fat Tire.  Any way, we finished that and went across the road to House Of Blues. I’ve been here many a times, but never for NoFx. This is actually the first time I’ve ever had the chance to see them. I just turned 31 a week ago and I am pumped to see an old school punk band thats still kicking ass.  The first band was pretty solid, I don’t quite remember their names. The second band we seen was named “The Pears” which is a kickass band signed to Fat Wreck. I remember the days of me and my buddy following the punk bands and seeing what label they were signed to and stuff. This is mere or less never happening again in my life, able to be imitated, but never duplicated. That feeling of untarnished youth will never be tapped into again. As the lights dim NoFx takes the stage and opens with Six Years On Dope. I’m on the fence mid mosh and it’s a dream come true.  Fat Mike is wearing a skirt and rocking out. To be up front in center with one of the bands that really took a hold of me my high school days was fuckin rad.  I’ve never seen them before so perhaps by seeing them now it was more appreciated for what they’ve done for the punk rock world. It’s that not caring about anything, not caring about money in your pockets, not caring if I really know whats going on tomorrow type of feeling. Even if it only last an hour, it’s times like these that let you feel alive in this world.  We are so concerned with things we really can’t control anymore and have forgotten to take control of the times we do have. Sure they come fewer and far between as we get older, but it’s important to seize those moments. One of my favorite scenes in any movie is in “Perks of being a Wallflower.” When they are driving through the tunnel at the end and WE CAN BE HEROES is playing. Fucking great scene right there, check it out here –> The Perks of Being a Wallflower

“Gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta have a job”  #ModestMouse

  With that concert I was able to tap into my inner self. That inner self that tries it’s damnedest to resist these societal deadlines. Damn it was fucking rad! The beauty about the punk scene over the years I’ve been listening to it hasn’t changed. From my first shows at Peabody’s in CLE of listening to no name punk bands in highschool to listening to punk bands at 31. The shows are the same. People are their for one reason. To have fun….to leave your worries at the gate about how old you are, what nationality you are, or even if you know who the band is. The adolescent inner-self comes alive in times like these and it’s a feeling that isn’t felt often these days for most. Below I quoted Tom Delonge from the documentary he did. Great documentary if you guys want to watch check it out here –> Tom Delonge Pursuit of Tone .  Music is one of the biggest aspects of my life. It’s a way I am able to keep my spirit from the life that wants to control it. Concerts will always be one thing that I can permanently tap into. The punk scene does more for kids than what meets the eye of this I am sure. It’s not often anymore I am in a mosh. Even if the mosh days are coming to an end I’ll always be able to look into the mosh and see 16 year old me bouncing around its core putting life on hold. #FloatOnFolks

 

 

“I think we hit on something that sounded like adolescents lashing out over being caught in the middle of a storm that they had no control of, you know you grow up thinking that your parents are more powerful than they are they know a lot more than they do and as you get older you start to learn their just people to, they’re about as vulnerable and as ah you know destructible as you are and I think that’s whats great about Rock n Roll. Umm its not about the music as much as its about the emotion and the emotion is what resonates with people. They feel something. I think sometimes we lose sight of that importance.”  

–Tom Delonge

 

 

Title of blog is lyrics from: Dammit – Blink 182

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

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Float On,

Mess

“Have faith in me Cause there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe”

“Have faith in me
Cause there are things that I’ve seen I don’t believe
So cling to what you know and never let go
You should know things aren’t always what they seem”

So it’s been several months since my last post here and I’ve honestly missed it. Some good times for the often spoken down on OHIO. In the past 6 years I’ve often wondered where I’d end up. It’s no longer a question since I’ve purchased a home in a town that resides right on the shores of Lake Erie. It’s beautiful, it’s everything my heart currently desires. Everyone has different desires of course. People will even often question desires of those close to them. People often think they know what’s best for the ones they know/love, but it’s often not the case. People like to think they know. Who is anyone to say what you desire? You see with age comes comfort, with age comes wisdom and with age comes the ability to really go get what you desire. This isn’t necessarily the case for all. It’s just the experiences I’ve seen and have went through. At this point in my life I’ve seen so many of my loved ones and close friends (also loved ones) settle for their desires I used to see this as a separation barrier from me to them. As I’ve thought about it here and there it’s not that. It’s the fact they’re settling down for what they desire ( I hope so anyhow). I’ve never one day have taken for granite the large circle I have. I hope those that know me think the same way. We always have the ability to come together at any time, any date and pick up where we last left off. I’d like any of you to disprove that. It’s something that I cherish.

Now time to talk about our CLEVELAND CHAMPIONSHIP! Personally I’ve been involved in just two other championships in my life. As a 7th grade football player and when my buddies brought home a Basketball conference championship as a senior in high school. The 7th grade one as a player I will always hold a special place for the simple fact I participated in that. The senior basketball class we had was pretty fucking nasty though. It was that year our class created the student section and it took off what an amazing experience it was. As time goes by our “Winning A Championship” meanings starts to differ from person to person.  I’ve seen it come in ways of winning a Rec league, whether it be Softball or Basketball. I’ve seen it in forms of some of the marriages in which my friends have been apart of. I’ve seen it in smiles on strangers faces when you’ve/i’ve lent them a hand. I’ll see it again come October 8th when I see my fiance walking down the aisle towards me as I stand there patiently at the front of the church. Winning championships in life can essentially be anything that makes your heart tickle.  As I mentioned before with age comes comfort accompanied by a side of peace of mind. I am very happy with where I am at and where I’ve been. Steve Jobs said it best when he spoke of connecting the dots going forward. It’s impossible..you cannot do it, however you can connect them just perfectly when you’re looking back through the years and experiences. You start to discover why certain events took place in your life. You start to understand the outcomes of decisions that didn’t go your way or perhaps did. You start to let go of things that don’t necessarily matter and really start to surround yourself with only those that truly impact your life for the better. Most of us find these beings in family members, however some are the friends you’ve had for the past 20 years. Some of you perhaps have ran into the rare occurrence of finding this connection with a coworker and or new love. You know the whole “Fresh Start, New Me” stuff that you read about in novels and the occasional tear jerking news story. This stuff is real. There’s a reason it’s even a saying. I’ve been pretty lost before as far as being who I want to be in life. I’ve since then have found the person who I want to be. I know how I want people to treat me, but that only comes with how you love others. Love isn’t subjective. Love is a feeling. How do you make others feel? Love isn’t necessarily a sexual thing. Love can move mountains. When people come together to help others…that’s love. I’ve witnessed it first hand. It’s the go out and lend a hand without being owed anything or accepting anything for that matter type of mentality that moves this planet.

My middle paragraph always turns into a kitchen sink. However, it’s a pristine pure kitchen sink filled with nothing but 100% honesty. This blog goes out to anyone and everyone to whom I’ve ever had the pleasure of coming across. The friends we have at this point in our life is crazy to think about as well. The friends you’ve had since day 1 and the newcomers. However, now since we’ve moved apart and doing our own things we’ve made some new friends. These people we’ve met along the way are basically friends by chance. We find complete strangers in our new neighborhoods and decide if they are worth talking to again or not. I am under the assumption the friend finding comes to a slowdown between the “you got married” and “you have kids in school” stage. Since we’ve moved to Vermilion we know one couple here. Other than that not a single new friend and or couple. I wonder if that’s how it’s going to be until kids in school to be honest. Yeah, I know the folk on my street, but none in which are close to our age. Yet alone ones we could find ourselves hanging out with on the regular. The peace of mind that comes with growing continues only to get larger. I find friendship in other aspects of my life, I mean it’s not necessarily friendship, but it’s the growing process that I find intriguing. I like working on and around my house, watching the sunset down at the lighthouse and going out and having some beers with my fiance. These things are what keeps me moving these days. My friends aren’t lost forever, unfortunately their priorities have just changed a little. Once again we cannot connect the dots going forward, only looking back will we be able to make sense of the path we take.

Title of blog is lyrics from: A Day To Remember – Have Faith In Me

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

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-Mess

“Gonna take a freight train down at the station, I don’t care where it goes”

I’d like to start off by saying thank you. If you’re reading this you’ve probably been reading for awhile (or you’re bored as shit on Facebook and you came across this link).  This is my 32 post and man o man is time flying by. It’s even crazier when you see other peoples lives changing in front of you. I’d like to think I don’t necessarily notice it until a measurable amount of time has passed. What’s measurable? It’s subjective to the individual for sure. The amount of stuff from point A to point B is all man made regardless, oh I think they call it TIME or something. Paul Rudd has an awesome quote in the movie “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” he’s talking about his age and it goes like this “I don’t really believe in age or numbers, you know? I don’t… I mean if you had to put a number on it, I guess I’d be… forty-four? Fuck!” Oh its great! I often feel the same way. If you’re not busy living you my as well get busy dying. Stay young, stay soulful and most importantly stay true to yourself. For the most part I try to stay as active as I can, with the people I’ve grown up. This blog is sort’ve going to be about sports and how they’ve helped me in life and where I am to this day with them.

The very first memory of playing any type of sports is Tee-Ball. I use to throw the bat behind me. I hit a boy name Aaron in the shoulder and he started crying, I felt bad as shit. The craziest thing about this is the fact that I remember this from 24 years ago. I remember it like yesterday, if I was an artist I could paint a replica picture of an event that took place 24 years ago.  Perhaps I am the weird one, but I find it completely insane when you can remember an event like it was yesterday in your head. I have recollections of things that took place when I was at the babysitters, a certain Christmas and even random days playing outside as a kid. I remember smells that I haven’t smelt in 20+ years, sure I’ve came across similar ones, but even those take me back to the time and place from the original scent. So where am I really getting at here? What the fuck am I even trying to talk about? Well here goes nothing. Just a dude who’s been into sports his whole life.

You know that fresh cut grass smell? The kind that you’d smell blowing in the wind as your going down some random country road. It’s a distinct smell. You can’t even drive around these parts of Ohio in the summertime without running into it at least once/twice a week just from your commute. People around where I live have large yards, their fresh mow scent carries further than one would suspect. The very first smell of fresh cut grass goes back to Tee-Ball out in the middle of the field in front of my High School. We were playing a game and I was up to bat. I remember having my coach pitch to me. I remember seeing the green (John Deere) mower off in the distance and as I stood up there patiently waiting for the pitch I smelled my first fresh cut grass smell. The grass smell connected immediately to my grandfathers lawn. As I went through the years of school grass eventually ended up meaning more to me. Yeah of course it meant summer time and no school, it was also started out as the foundation of my character to this day. Sports, whether it was Baseball, Basketball, or Football the loyalty amongst my friends and I that was built over the years and years of playing together would change my life as I knew it. I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine, whatever the sport may have been that’s the general motto out there. The competing aspect of it, the general sportsmanship, the I am going to work fucking harder than my opponents because I want it more aspect of it. These are things that have driven me my entire life so far.  The friendships outside of my childhood populous are few and far between, but they’re deep and pure. The loyalty that lies there i’d put up against my original crew. Eventually the original crew starts fading with time, but you’re aware with my angst against that already. Some of the guys I’ve met in the past couple years are great down to earth dudes that I’ve helped me along the way and I hope they’ve been able to take something from me as well.

I’ve spent a decent part of my life playing sports. Playing outside for the most part. The open grassy ball field was my first experience. I’ve played indoors for Basketball, but it’s nothing compared to the grass. The outdoor atmosphere, the lights, the large crowds, and the sweat and blood nitty gritty 11-on-11 gridiron I had the opportunity to play on we’ll never be forgotten. That is where my friends and I have shared victories and losses, smiles and tears together. Good luck ever taking that from me. The loyalty we shared during those times is of unexplained measures, you just can’t. You had to be there, you’d have to feel it then and there to remember it. I remember getting goosebumps right before kick off. I remember my stomach knots when we loss. I remember looking around at the crowd under those Friday night lights in those sweet victories. These times will never be lost. That’s been years ago at this point, but I get the feeling back every Wednesday when my friends and I compete in a Men’s Softball League. It’s nowhere near the extent or intensity as the gridiron, but a little piece of me goes back. It’s something I’ve held onto, because it’s turned me into who I am today. Whether it be sports, music, working out or etc. Find something that moves you, something that no matter what nobody can interrupt the connection you have with it. People may say stop holding onto the past la la la la. Fuck em’, I am holding onto my roots, it’s not living in the past. It’s a simple reminder of why I am who I am. What moves you guys? What makes you feel alive? What’s the purest memories you guys withhold?

Title of blog is lyrics from: The Marshall Tucker Band – Can’t You See

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

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-Mess

“Well I wonder which song they’re gonna play when we go”

I haven’t really a thought for this blog just yet. I’ve had a couple ideas that have come up here and there since my last entry just about a month ago now. My fiance got me this kick ass Harry Potter journal for the Holiday’s and I whip that fucker out whenever an idea strikes. I doodle all the time in any notebook I have.  I have a weird obsession with notebooks filled with blank pages…oh yeah that all of them :). I use to fill pages with lyrics, band names, Magic the gathering cards, video games, quotes and just whatever came to mind. I had an entire pocket notebook filled with Michael Jordan, Rodney Dangerfield and Jim Morrison quotes.  I’ve just always have had a thing for a blank piece of paper and a pen. Same goes for writing online. I am allowed to write anything I want, regardless of how absurd or crazy or irrelevant it is…I am allowed to write it. I certainly don’t do it because my blog is highly sought. I average 20’ish clicks per a post via Bit.ly so that’s cool, but I want to stress to those that are reading it that I encourage you to be open about what you believe in. It’s freedom at it’s finest

The past couple weeks have been crazy hectic for me. I have been in the midst of buying a house. If any of you are reading this and have a bought a house you know exactly what I am talking about. I also had the opportunity to go to a friends bachelor party in North Carolina. It was a crazy good time with friends I often don’t get to hang out with because, life gets fucking busy.  For the past several years now I’ve felt as if most of my closest friends have just said “fuck it” and have tossed the better part of 10 years to the road side. I want them to know that I miss them. Life gets busy, it really does. For some reason I can’t ever and I mean EVER stop thinking about the ones closest to me.  That statement includes friends I go months without seeing. I often wonder why/how the fuck it’s possible cause this is a dog-eat-dog world and most people don’t give a fuck about you or how you’re doing this very moment.  It’s somewhat unfortunate knowing they’re people out there that wouldn’t go the same route as you would when it came to loyalty, but that’s life.  I escape reality through good lyrics and comical relief. If you can’t find relief in either of those I am sorry. No, I am not sorry you think I am insane for finding comfort in someone else’s words.  There are actually a few people left in this world for each of us to be able to escape through without applying the makeup first. It’s important we hold these individuals close to us. If they happen to fall by the wayside you/I could spend the rest of our lives trying to find them again. There is something irreplaceable about the person you’ve spent a better part of your life growing up with just to not talk to them daily. I just hope that they’re okay and well. I love them all.

One of the biggest things about to happen is softball season is about to begin and I love it. I love competing. I love the trash talk. I love playing on the ball diamond under the lights. I love playing competitively with my friends. They’re great guys whose loyalty remains amongst everyone on the team.  If you haven’t the opportunity to honestly feel loyalty amongst your friends I am sorry. It’s  a feeling I wouldn’t trade for money..not today or tmrw. The big thing with friendship is that you don’t necessarily receive what you put into it. It’s more or less a relationship. Someone is putting in more work, hours and time. At the end of the day though it’s worth it. Two random people on this earth have decided they like one another and it’s worth keeping the other person around, because they enjoy them. Friendship is awesome.

Title of blog is lyrics from: 59 Sound by Gaslight Anthem

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

Hello, Hello, Hello, I’m glad I found you

I’ve always had a knack for writing my thoughts down much better than I’ve been able to speak them. Perhaps it’s the comfort of the clear blank page. Perhaps it’s the idea that the page isn’t able to judge me for what I write down and say. Perhaps it’s the idea that I can speak freely without being interrupted from people asking what and why. It’s just been something I’ve always enjoyed as well. I guess you could say its been somewhat of an escape from reality for me. Just a way to release I suppose, whether you’re up or down when you wake in the morning you’re back to zero. Writing has been a strong influence for bringing me up when I am down and pushing me higher when I am up.  Music has also been a huge provider in that category, but I am sure you’ve figured that out by now.  This post is going to be a little different than my previous writings. I want to dedicate this one to “Mah Lady”. I’ve been wanting to blog about our engagement for awhile now and I haven’t been to public about it. It’s just sort of not my thing and it’s a terrible excuse that I know. I thought I could dedicate a blog to her however so here it goes.

 

To Mah Lady:

“I’d like to start off by saying that I am sorry. I am sorry for the shape you found me in. I am sorry for any tear that’s been shed over me. I am sorry I was so broken when you gave me a chance 3 years ago. I am sorry it’s taken as long as it did for me to understand that there is more to life than pain beyond the walls I’ve built to keep me safe. I am sorry I didn’t recognize your genuine care and love you had for me for so long. I am sorry I didn’t even bother looking for it, because I was scared of getting hurt. I am sorry I didn’t understand that I was able to love happily again for so long. I am sorry I don’t let you know how beautiful you are to me daily. This world moves to fast and sometimes I forget what I have in front of me. I am sorry I often sweat things that in the long run don’t really matter. I am sorry that I don’t let you know how much your smile cures me on the daily and I am sorry it’s took so long for me to figure all this out.

I want to thank you. I want to thank you for giving me a chance 3 years ago. I want to thank you for believing in us when I was lost. I want to thank you for being one of the kindest, most unselfish human beings I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, better yet..loving. I want to thank you for being patient with me when most would’ve thrown me aside. I want to thank you for working so hard day in and out because you think you have to prove something to me, but you really don’t. I want to thank you for respecting me for who I am, where I came from and what I’ve been through. I want to thank you for accepting my flaws when I had a hard time accepting some of yours. I want to thank you for always pushing forward when you could’ve easily gave up. I want to thank you for showing me that no matter what you were determined to be by my side even if I tried to push away. I want to thank you for showing me that love really did exist beyond my barriers and I want to thank you for the opportunity for me to one day call you my wife.

I know now. I know how much you mean to me. I know to recognize what I have in front of me. I know to no longer question if there is anything else. I know that you’re my best friend. I know to never leave without telling you I love you. I know I can’t fall asleep without saying goodnight to you. I know I can’t bring myself to leave the house without giving you a kiss. I know how much I am grateful for your shoulder to lean on in rough times. I know that I can tell you anything and you’ll offer me advice I can count on. I know now that you’ve been the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I know that I need to continue to support you just as much as you support me and I know I need to continue to love you unconditionally the same as you do me.

What you may have not known. The day I asked you to be my wife back in December was the first day of the rest of my life. I can think about it at any given time and it will push a smile through the darkest clouds. I call you “Mah Lady” because you are my queen, without you I am no king. My favorite movie to watch with you is “UP” and “Perks of being a Wallflower”. UP reminds me of the love we have for one another and “Perks of being a Wallflower” reminds me of the acceptance we have for one another regardless of how weird we can be. The friendship we’ve built over the past 3 years I’ve spent the better part of my life searching for. You have one of the biggest caring hearts out of everyone I’ve ever met and it shows through your care for others. I look forward to seeing you walk down the aisle come October 8th. I’ll be standing in awe, in confusion. Asking myself how did I ever get so lucky?

I am sorry for who I’ve been. I want to thank you for showing me. I know now who I need to be and I hope you know who I intend to be.

I love you. I love you more than the words above can describe.”

I have been contemplating on submitting this for awhile now and I got to thinking about it. I started to think “What the fuck do I care what others think about what I write?” Sorry, but I really did. I more or less want to put forth whats on my mind and what I believe in and don’t need acceptance to do so. To the people that may read this I ask you of this. I may not be very good with words, but I am good with putting my thoughts down on blank pages. They may not sound very good to you, but I do believe it’s important for others to get a grasp of what you believe in and feel. It really is something that catches on with others. I urge you to write something you believe in or feel strongly about. Let me know and I can post it on my page with your name or anonymously.

Title of blog is lyrics from: Atherton – California

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

I’ve started off this year with much to do. It’s a much busier beginning of a year than any other year I can previously remember. I am in the midst of wedding planning, house hunting, I am going to be an Uncle in the beginning of March and I am just busy as hell. Who isn’t anymore is more of the question? There is a song that comes to mind when I often find myself completely entangled in this bullshit agenda we get caught up in. I had a buddy that used to post it as his AIM away message all the time. “I’m in a hurry to get things done. I rush and rush till life’s no fun”.  It does its job to an extent I’d like to think there is also many more songs that can stop me in my tracks. Songs that’ll stop me in my tracks, make me step back and have a look.

Perhaps this year will distinctively set its theme early. I am expecting a lot this year. I don’t plan much, however. Why you ask? I FUCKING hate agendas. I fucking hate having time in my life that is already predetermined by something I haven’t necessarily approved of. Sure that statement can be subjective in many ways, however I never said I wasn’t fairly selfish when it comes to time. I’ve spent a majority of my life going places I’ve had to go and most of us have. I don’t particularly like being in the car for 86 minutes a day Monday thru Friday, but unfortunately I must for financial reasons. For the past several months the only reason i’ve remained “ok” with it is the Harry Potter audio books i’ve been listening to. They’re fucking amazing! It is the first book series i’ve ever read where i’ve honestly have been pretty sad at the loss of a character. When Dumbledore died at the hands of Snape I wanted to rage out…my anger abruptly turned to sadness without me even thinking too hard on the subject. I’ve seen the movies also, so I know the outcome, but J.K Rowling does an amazing job. I couldn’t help, but be sooo angry at Malfoy and Snape at the moment, but that’s a story..a great story to boot.

I initially started this blog tonight with a purpose of speaking about political views, but since then I have changed my thoughts on this. I would like you to know that I FUCKING hate politics. If you even happen to label yourself a Republican or Liberal is enough for me to dislike it. I am so tired of everything having to have labels these days. Since, I left high-school everything is labeled for convenience right? No, everything is labeled for economic placements amongst society.  It’s labeled so you can judge, you’re labeled so the next guy you meet can place you within the spectrum of interpretation society has put forth for them to understand. These labels don’t help us by any means. In fact they scare a lot of us. It’s a way to put fear into people’s lives and I know a lot of good fucking people that shouldn’t be worrying about this. I’ve always dreamed about being that millionaire that is able to help those closest to me that are actually trying in this life. I know many that are trying to get by and do okay and I know a few that get by and don’t give a fuck about it. I have news for those that don’t give a shit you’re not helping out the ones you love by doing so. Sure we could go blow for blow in the arguments of economical ways amongst us. I am in no way set for my life financially. I am still climbing my career ladder at the age of 30 and I understand that. I have to often remind myself that this isn’t the end and it will only get better from here if I continue to better myself and work hard. We live in America for crying out loud. One of the few roots of our foundation of living that we can count on still is that hard work, perseverance and determination will pay off in the end (at least for now). We have the ability and right as a citizen to change what we dislike about our economic status.  Free market capitalism at the end of the day can reward those who work their ass off. Sure it also has erected this huge corporate America agenda that is damn near to go up against, especially when every liberal we get in office wants to screw the little guy. You know the businesses we call the Ma and Pap stores. It’s unfortunate…then when we have a conservative in office that is all they do…conserve, it seems as if there is no motive to move forward, as if everything is fine attitude will get you somewhere.  Most of you are probably thinking I should be working on Capitol Hill with all my insider knowledge right now, but the real teacher here has been time. We could go on and on regarding these topics, but you are probably tired of hearing about politics just as much as I.  I guess what really inspired this blog were the people I know that just have given up. People that seem to be okay with thinking they don’t deserve more, the ones that accept the worlds blackened ways. As much as I complain about the bills I have to pay and the way things really are I can turn to my beautiful family and friends for closure.

“The good times are killing me”

….they’re killing us all. So let’s grow young together.

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

‘Cause I’ve known lonesome things you can’t come back from’

“Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head”

So it’s 2016 officially and man oh man did 2o15 end with a bang! Like holy shit though it is seriously the year 2016. There has been another year under my belt that has slid by without much notice other than the fact that for the most everything is the same. I did make a job change this year however, but I am not sure that’s how you define whether or not its been a good year.  It was a big change for me. I went from a smaller organization within the IT field to one that I have an opportunity to really excel at.  I been given a helluva opportunity here. I love the new folk I work with and I like where their minds are at as far as we as an IT organization goes.  That is just the small talk within this blog about 2015 however. It was so much more than that! Just a couple things that come to head is the hatred and judgment in the world today, the false hope that thy neighbor is good, because they really are. The fact that so many people have given up on what they believe in. I stand before you and tell you that I believe in people. I believe in people that care and love for one another and for whatever reason life has finally paid me back for it.  I’ve spent a good chunk of my 20’s just winging it. It turns out, it was actually a helluva time. Matter of fact it was the best of times. These were some of the moments that have defined me for who I am today.

So what exactly did I find out about myself in my 20’s? I suppose that’s a fair question. My name is Jason. I am a Scorpio from the 8th day of November. I am extremely loyal and passionate about the things I love dearly. I am very observant of my surroundings. Like…I get it by now, not everyone is as cool as a Scorpio 🙂 ! So what exactly did take place in my 20’s? I can only look back and be thankful at this point. It has taught me much. I found out that College is important, but it’s not important enough to go to right out of High School if you haven’t got a clue as to what you want to do. I found out that young love hurts cause we don’t know any better. I found out that money doesn’t grow on trees, but you can “find” a lot of money if you work hard enough by pouring concrete and striping at Oglesby Construction. I found out that unfortunately it doesn’t matter how much you love someone even their time must come (RIP Grandpa). I was able to locate that place people speak of..I think they call it “Rock Bottom” yeah I found it..it’s unpleasant. I found out that life doesn’t stop rolling because you’ve failed. I found out the only way to succeed is to drop any and everything around you so you can solely focus on the task at hand. I found out sometimes you have to leave and forget about the things you care most about in order to find yourself. I found you you have to seek bigger risk to reap bigger rewards. I found out that “true” friendships are seriously diamonds in the rough, keep those folk close. I found out that by letting down your guards you can find love. I found out that loving people in general is much easier than hating. I found that those trips you took with your buddies at the age of 23 CANNOT be duplicated at the age of 28, they’ll bring new memories within themselves. I found out that the people you once cared a lot for don’t necessarily care for you anymore, it’ll be fine. I found out that I have a heart much bigger than most people I know…I think I get that from my Father. I found out regardless of what we’ve been through and what you’ve done to me i’ll still stand by your side. I’ve found out that “United We Stand, Divided We Fall” applies to many aspects of life. I found out that a “Guys” trip should always remain a “guys” trip. I found out that many men lose their testicles as soon as they get married (I’ll be nice and not name any).  I found out that your predictions of friends throughout your 20’s can change rapidly. I found out that friends change even if you try your hardest to keep them the same. I’ve met some amazing people from all over the world, which includes countries such as Brazil, Columbia, Taiwan, Germany, Ukraine and Turkey. I’ve found out the true power of corporate corruption.  I’ve found out that I am no longer able to eat pizza 3 nights in a row without my pants feeling tighter upon the next work day. I finally found out that a dollar bill doesn’t do a god damn thing for you in this world. I found out that a broken household growing up only makes your love stronger with your siblings throughout the years ( I love you Hannah and Heather). I found that no matter how many miles your Mother may live from you she’s still your Mother and the love for her cannot falter. I’ve found out that just because their considered family doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll continue being family. I found out that friends you love dearly are more applicable family members than some of those bearing your same last name. I’ve seen some loved ones move on to the next step of their lives. I’ve had the opportunity to be in 6 weddings. I have witnessed death at CPR’s end. I have brought back life from administering CPR.  I’ve experienced the fact that money isn’t everything, the value of family and friendship has shown me this. I’ve realized what used to be isn’t necessarily what is going to be. I’ve realized you can’t bring back the past no matter how much you are upset with the current. I’ve learned that alcohol can get you into some trouble. I’ve also learned that a smile can start a domino effect. I’ve learned that “You get what you put in and people get what they deserve”, it’s called Karma and she is alive and well. I’ve learned you have to move on in order to move forward and yes I understand that is as simplistic as it gets, but prove it wrong. I’ve figured out in my past 30 years the necessities to keep me moving along for my next 30 is everything I’ve previously done….wing it. That’s all we’ve been doing our entire life. I will only continue to grow and learn and “winging it” will get easier as time passes. I’ve learned that years 20-30 move by quickly. I’ve learned to never count a time with family and friends pointless,  because there is so many memories from the lamest of times. I’ve learned that at age 30 my Mother and Father are still very wise and can offer very good advice. I’ve learned that time flies by…it doesn’t stop for you nor me. It doesn’t care about your troubles, your worries. It does not give a shit if your having a hard time nor your wish upon the stars…it just keeps moving…much like a river. You can throw your pebbles and stones in it all you want and they’ll create temporary ripples and in a flash they’ll be gone…very much like your problems in this life. #FloatOnWorld

These are just some of the things I found out during my 20’s…there is so much more to tell and still shit ton I haven’t even uncovered yet.

I feel lighter just from writing this blog. Let me know what you guys think.

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

I grew so close to all the thoughts I had to leave forever

What’s happening world? So I turned 30 recently, Sunday the 8th actually. I feel as if society doesn’t accept Tom Foolery from a 30 year old, well I got news for them… Tom is very much alive in me still..(No, not Tom Riddle)? There is so much going on in my life as of late all the way from a new job, house hunting and finally figuring out what you want to do. To the younger readers, yes it really does take years to figure out what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. Actually I’d say you are very lucky if you find out what you want to do for the rest of your life. I wouldn’t necessarily say I’ve found it, but I have found something that I like to do and have a good time doing it at this point in my life.  It’s a hard question to ask people, because it’s an opinion/subjective to the individual you’re asking. Some people are chasing money, some people are chasing “happiness”, and some are chasing whatever can get them on to the next day.  Moral of the story here is that I am finally at peace with what I do and it’s been a helluva run to this point and it feels good to sit back and relax at, but I am not done. With every job you should be seeking advancement somewhere/somehow. It’s on the back burner at all times for me. In time it’ll happen. I refuse to not work my ass off till I get to the point to where I want, however I understand the waiting game behind it.

When I thought about writing tonight there were a few things in my head. Some of the main things I thought about when trying to really pin point this blog was…new experiences, memories, songs, friends and just some other random stuff.  One of my favorite movies sort of inspired me when this blog came in to mind. “Goodwill Hunting” ever heard of it? Stars Robin Williams and Matt Damon…great fucking movie! Robin Williams and his park bench scene is iconic when it comes to cinematography. Give it a watch –> Goodwill Hunting Park Scene , especially if you’ve never seen the movie. I strongly urge you to see it. It’s a movie that brings clarity to some aspect of your life even if you weren’t quite looking for it. Not to mention it just may be the best 5 minutes of cinema ever recorded. That’s just my opinion.  So it’s November now, the temperatures are starting to drop, the Browns are right on schedule for sucking ass and the Buckeyes are getting ready to play Michigan before too long. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and Christmas isn’t too far off itself. The department stores surely aren’t letting you forget it.  You know certain parts of the year really have the ability to remind you of things. The changing of the weather, the different smells in the air, the early onset of darkness reminds me of some of the greatest times in my life.  It’s this time of the year that you rarely, but occasionally will smell that last cut of grass before our lawns are covered with snow.  You guys ever notice that there is grass smell from mowing and then there is the smell of grass/leaves? Damn..I love it! For whatever reason it reminds me of home. I’d consider it the official smell of Collins,Ohio if I could. It’d be that or it’d be the smell of soybean and/or field corn being transported from combine to grain wagon.  This is shit you can’t learn from a book, you can’t learn from a video on YouTube. The only way you know what this smell is by the simple fact of at some point some where in your life you’ve been there. I don’t know why these two smells have had such a strong impact on my life, but they have.  As far as this time of year goes it is somewhat depressing, yet exciting in other aspects.  Every year around this time our Football season was coming to a dramatic ending and Basketball was about to begin. If you weren’t in Basketball the Weight-room was your hangout for the next 4mo’s and you were completely okay with that. Your friends were your family. I’d go to School till 3:45, Weightroom till 6:15’ish, go home eat supper, do homework..repeat. It’s all you knew for about 2-3 years. When you really think about it the 2-3 years is nothing. Those 2-3 however make/break people. There has been 10 years since then so why can’t I remember these years as clearly as I do those 2-3? My head Football coach always told me it will soon all be a blur…none of us believed him. I am under the assumption you cannot make any little shit head high schooler believe that though.  What do you know? Coach Stoll was exactly right.  Looking back on it, it really was a blur. However, I remember it like it was yesterday.  I know you’re not supposed to live in the past, but god damnit don’t forget the times that molded you.

This time of year I tend to lean heavily upon music I grew up on. NoFx, Bad Religion, Less Than Jake, Blink 182, Rise Against, Anti-Flag, Taking Back Sunday, The Descendents and The Dropkick Murphy’s. Damn, I could go on and on about these fellas here.  Most of all stuff I can relate to. A simple line of lyrics can hook me for a week just on a particular song.  There are a few bands that have the ability to completely steal all of my attention at any point. Modest Mouse, Blink 182, Angels & Airwaves, Rise Against just to name a few.  Damn, these bands have some songs that can speak to me like no other.  You know when your speaking music it’s crazy the memories that the song can bring up.  Most of the memories don’t even include the bands I mentioned here.  I am 10 years out of high school and can’t listen to a Bon Jovi song without thinking of my friend Ravin playing the drums at our Homecoming bonfire.  I can’t listen to Blink 182 without thinking of my Sophomore year study hall mid-day without thinking of 2 people in particular. Every time I hear “Please Play This Song On The Radio” by NoFx I think of my friend Brittany and riding in her old Ford Escort on some random back road in Collins Ohio.  I could go on and on. “Los Angeles Is Burning” by Bad Religion…My Buddy Andy and I were playing NCAA in my basement at my Dads non-stop. He was supposed to be going to College at the time, but there was NCAA to be played. We played for hours…we didn’t care about a thing in the world besides that.  Anytime I hear a Boxcar Racer song I think of riding in my buddies Ford Ranger going to his g/f’s house at the time.  I can’t fathom how much music actually does for me. It just speaks to me in so many ways that I can’t speak about, but it’s a beautiful connection. If you’ve never been able to honestly feel the music, I wish that someday a song will move you.  You know as we get older here it’s actually really weird that at one point we at least acted like we cared for one another.  It felt really genuine at the time, but as I get older I often question it’s authenticity.  It seems as if it was a more than a here and now ordeal to get on to the next day. Am I dick for saying? I don’t particularly care anymore.  It turns out “true” and “honest” friendships are very much a temporary thing in your life.  Five years ago I could spout off 10 people that I’d want standing next to me on my wedding day. It’d be hard to get five now, i’d manage to get five additional because of the people I “know”, but they could care less as to why you’re getting married. Nobody today takes the time to talk to you with sincerity, it’s actually somewhat of a joke. Perhaps I am just being extremely negative tonight, but these feelings have been around for several years now so I am not so sure as to how fake they actually are?  I am semi-excited to move out east come January just to see who will remain. I mean for fuck sake we had two of our best friends in town this Saturday and multiple people were mere miles away and didn’t even show up. Some showed up and left without even saying goodbye, well from me to you guys “You can go kindly fuck yourself”. Some didn’t even show up..from me to you guys ” You can literally go fuck yourself”.  Perhaps I should stop writing for the night or perhaps you should just start being better friends or perhaps things will continue and we’ll just pretend they don’t (like we do now).  HAHA it really is what it is. I say this because we all continue to do exactly what we (or what your wife) want to do.  We don’t question one another to harshly (even though some of us should), we don’t even ask one another how are week is going (even though I’d we’d love someone to talk to about it) and last but not least…we don’t even think about asking one another how things are going. I would apologize for my negative post here, but I would actually never do that. I wish more people would learn how to voice their opinion whether it be in actual conversation or via journal (or blog). We all have inconsistencies in everyday life and most of us could learn from one another, but until we learn to communicate with one another it’ll never happen.  This is negative Nancy..over and out!

“If life’s not beautiful without the pain,
well I’d just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.”

#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

**Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!**

-Mess

 

 

Well, it took a lot of work to be the ass that I am

Man I feel like a ghost on here right now. The same way I’ve been feeling with life lately, but we’ll get to that here in a bit. I’ve been meaning to post something for several weeks now, just life has been getting in the way ya know?  Like this shit that you know that has to happen..happens. You are well aware of planning around it, but for whatever reason we accept it’s inconvenient ways with open arms.  Like what the fuck? It’s like we are completely aware of all the irrelevant shit that we’re doing day in and out and it’s somehow okay.  We allow it to be okay, because others allow it to be ok. Where the hell am I going with any of this right now?  It’s been several weeks since I have written anything and quite frankly I dearly miss it. I love writing…a blank white page and your thoughts..it’s peaceful. It brings a slice of life to me that I am unable to obtain otherwise.  These past few weeks my life has been a roller coaster without the climax…it’s had it’s up’s and downs, still waiting for the ending however. I’m waiting for the period where I sit back and decide whether or not it was worth the ride. Real life experience however can’t be bought…I am a living real life experience right now and it’s quite lovely.

I have been employed by a lovely company for the past 3 years.  Some of the people I have met I hope to keep close. Smart phones and tablets have been allowing this for years yet we fail to grasp the important aspects of these devices. These devices which were meant to keep us closer have only kept us further apart.  There are several people that I will wish to stay in contact with. I love these people. They’re the type of people that are put into your life to stay…for awhile anyhow. You folk know exactly what I am talking about here. You meet someone and you’re like HOLY SHIT…why is this person so much like me, why do they think like me, and why is their thought process like mine? These are the people that you’ll remember down the road. Perhaps it’ll be one conversation you had with them that may help you in a moment of need. Perhaps it’ll be their actions in which you’ve witnessed that’ll help you in a time of need. Perhaps it’ll just be a simple reminder of who they are and what they believe in that’ll get you along the way one day. These are the things I seek out in people..these are the things I look forward to when I meet a stranger.  If I don’t know you it is the intriguing thought that only brings me closer.  You know the what if, the when, the where…I just love people in general. The stories and different aspects of imagination they bring to the table could keep me intrigued for much longer than bullshit coffee talk could. Weather talk, sports talk. work talk….c’mon….and I love me some fucking sports talk…but I have no need for it outside of a couple craft beers couldn’t handle.  We humans stick to the basics too often to actually get to know one another.  I have rolled the dice for the first time in my life because of this on going issue around this place. People around here seem to be scared of change, scared of the what if and the what about tomorrow…I don’t get it.  I am here to let you know the only sure signs of life are quite simple to notice. The flutter in your chest, the wrench in your gut, the goosebumps that appear on your arms that send shivers up your spine, and the fear that’ll strike you frozen. <– These emotions are the ones that keep us leveled. These are the ones that keep us pushing on, these are the ones that keep us in check in knowing that we are alive and well.

I swear that within this life we’ll learn to accept one anothers differences, we’ll learn to befriend thy neighbor…we’ll learn to be civil towards one another. It’s fucking disgusting…I know so many good people.  I know so many people that want to constantly categorize themselves just to fit in I’m assuming. It is crazy what people are willing to do to label themselves. Get the fuck outta here with that shit haha…like I won’t take you serious if you come to work preaching politics over a morning cup of coffee.  There is many things outside of this irrelevant bubble of speech.  I could care less about who the next puppet of the oval office will be.  We’ll learn to dislike our court system over certain court cases before we truly start disagreeing with the actual actions of our next president. Most of you will go into the next presidential election solely based on the Republican and Democratic party status and not think twice about it.  Most of us will go home that night and sleep tight because we picked who we thought should be the winner as if we did a job well done that day. We’ll all walk around with our head’s held a little higher and a slight skip to our step because we made a difference that morning. We’ll walk go on living our day to day life trying to justify to one another why it was right or wrong to vote for him or her on this or that.  Democracy is dead people. The only thing that we have an honest say on anymore are the “issues”. School Levys, Fire Fighters, Amendments, Libraries and hell even this November marijuana.  Your vote does in fact count towards these things. Every vote is counted towards what you voted for. There isn’t any electoral college to say otherwise.  That is all I really have tonight, but damn it’s good to be writing again. I miss it…life has been busy as hell lately. It’s going well though I think..I mean it’s the only life I have ever known so..yeah…things are going well.  I am going to leave on a quote I’ve recently read out of a newly acquired book.  “Be true to yourself, because there are only a few people that will stay true to you” <– I wholeheartedly believe that Mr.Daley.

 

Please feel free to SHARE, COMMENT and SUBSCRIBE!

#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

 

 

And Im Thinking Of A World Where People Wouldn’t Fuck You For Money

“You see I’m thinking of a world, where people stop and think for themselves
And I’m thinking of a world, where people wouldn’t fuck you for money
And I know, it’s just a dream, but it’s one I won’t let go ’cause I’m so tired of getting fucked
By you and you, and you and you…”

As most of you know all of my post titles up to this point has been song lyrics. Songs have always just had a way of speaking to me and my thoughts flourish when they hear them. I feel sorry for the individuals that haven’t the ability to feel the music. It’s an experience I feel few have obtained. You can (I can) tell the ones that have that ability. Their lives seem more joyous. You’re able to see it in their step, their body language and their attitude whenever the music hits them…anywho

How does it go everyone? It has been a minute since I’ve written anything. I can promise you I haven’t been doing much. I have been reading the “Bounty Hunter Code” where I am able to learn what it takes to become Boba Fett. It’s pretty wicked, no big deal.  I find myself only wanting to write when I become inspired by something. I mean that’s sort of a cliche statement. Most people who write are inspired by something I guess? I mean some might be writing because they had a big time novel and now they are writing just because the audience will buy the next without thinking twice. Maybe you’re just writing because you fucking want to, in that case touche!  Writing for me isn’t on a professional level nor am I trying to be graded on the grammar and literal aspect of it, but It is a way for me to escape a world that is constantly putting pressure on me.  The pressures come from every aspect of our day-to-day living. We’re not easily able to hide from it. It is not easily ignored, fuck it’s not easy to be awake for no more than 5 minutes in the morning without feeling the stress of life.  I am here to tell you the secret. I know a SECRET OF LIFE that I am willing to share with you folk. If you happened to read this blog it’ll be well worth your time.  So here it is…… I have come to conclusion and I remind myself daily of it…. EVERYONE is just out here in life winging it..Everybody is fucking winging from day-to-day hoping to get through it and onto the next one.  It really is that simple I’ve come to realize.  People are just trying to live like they know how to. Some people are comfortable with the complacency their agenda based lives offer them. Some people are gamblers and like rolling the dice from day to day a little more aggressively.  At the end of the day we all have one goal in common, to make it to the next.  That is my secret…not much of a secret now. Life doesn’t require a cable connection to see whats going on. The TV is often mistaken as the window of society, but you’ve been fooled. To see what’s going on and truly appreciate it, it takes one to challenge themselves once in awhile. If you are fine with a simple life (I am no one to say what simple is) then so be it, but it would behoove one to challenge themselves in some way or another. I push myself in the gym regularly. It’s how I break the chains of everyday life and with progress it only propels me.

Another thing I reflect on daily is my purpose here. This helps me stay leveled.  I am not talking on a religious standpoint either. Back to the seeing the world through your own eyes as opposed to the views of your television is something I strive for.  I love people…I love talking to people, interacting with people and I just really enjoy another’s company. I love talking to strangers at the pub while enjoying a beer and a laugh together. I love listening to people. I find their stories mesmerizing. It’s crazy to think that there are strangers out there just like you. The crazy thing about friendship is you sorta just start talking to someone you haven’t before and if you find what they say enjoyable you’ll talk again and before you know it you’ve made a new friend. An extraordinary weird concept I know, but I love every aspect of it. You speak to them they speak to you and once you’ve obtained the complete friendship label (Facebook doesn’t count) you’ve got the magnificent ability to open your hearts to them. You have a chance to speak to them on grounds in which you dare not travel unless you’ve got a trusted friend. The conversations you’ll have will fill you with laughter and sadness, both in which you’ll come to appreciate equally. The conversations will leave you being able to feel their words. That feeling you end up with is love. This brings me to a quote, which I love dearly (see what I did there)

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love.” –Albus Dumbledore

If you think about it, you’ll be able to put this into perspective immediately. The friendliest faces you interact with daily are ones who genuinely just love people. Their the ones that will lend an ear when everyone else has left. Their the ones who will spot you the $5 when you haven’t any food without expecting it in return. You know the ones that give you the time of day to appreciate you for who you are and what you do. Time is limited here. We don’t have the ability to buy more and we remain unsure of when our’s will run out. Be the change you’d wish to see amongst your peers. You’ll feel better..I promise you. It’s not worth the time nor effort to remain fake or neglect those that have love for you.  So this is who I am. I am at peace with my place here. I love helping people, I love people, and I thoroughly enjoy being a good friend. I have many good friends in which I love. Some in which I feel have neglected it over time here, but people are busy. Busy worrying about stuff they shouldn’t be and it’s not their fault. They just haven’t awoken yet.  I try my best not to fault you guys for it and I promise I’ll do my damnedest even in the hardest and darkest of times to keep us together. Until our next conversation, which I excitingly await, I’ll be here winging it day-to-day and I’ll be completely okay in my journey doing so. At the same time however get a hold of me. Let’s have a beer and converse while we remain able to do so!

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

Don’t waste your time on me you’re already the voice inside my head.

I had the pleasure of seeing Bad Religion and Rise Against at Chill on the Hill up in Michigan in the fall of 2014.  Two of my favorite bands and damn do I love me some music from these two. Bad Religion allows me to go back to simpler times with people who didn’t worry about what was going to happen 5 minutes from now.  Just like in “How I Met Your Mother” the saying where Ted tells Marshall to let future Marshall worry about that.  Those were times in which I never intend on forgetting. I know they may be damn near impossible to duplicate these days at least with the same people I once did.  Is it all to much to ask for times like this again though?  I truly don’t believe times like these are to far out of reach.  It’s a shame that the utopia we once dreamed of has been lost. I assure you it’s still within our sights you just have to look for it.

Rise Against gives my inner child/teenage self the ability to remember growing up at times that I wanted to set the entire world on fire. I once held on to a lot of anger while wearing a smile day in and out.  I grasped onto music early in my life. I had an older step sister and brother who listened to a lot of early 90’s music. Nirvana, Bush, Marilyn Manson, Bob Dylan. Smashing Pumpkins, 311, Silverchair, and Limp Bizkit. This is a good general picture for you of the cds I had at my disposal.  I’d go home do homework and listen to the cd…starting at track 1 and ending it when it was over. I came engulfed in the lyrics for some of these bands and to this day I listen for the lyrics extremely closely while listening to music. If you allow it to, it’ll paint a picture for you and it’s beautiful in most cases. Without pain love doesn’t mean much, without the ugly beauty wouldn’t seem some beautiful.

 “I remember the day, between the past and the pain. We were never afraid of places unknown. There was nothing to fear, there was faith in the air. We will never be scared of letting go. What happened to the world I used to know?.”

These lyrics speak to me. They open my heart. An open heart with honest words is one of the last pure forms of communication there is. Everything is filtered through social networks and mass media these days. We deem them good/bad based on shares and likes.  This isn’t communicating with one another.  This type of technology created to bring us closer together has only put a greater silent space between us.  I had the pleasure of spending the weekend with a group of friends I haven’t spent time with in quite sometime. Reason being…we had a really good friend get married. At this point it occurred to me that in all of the good that took place this weekend being the realist semi-pessimist I am it takes such events to get the people you love together.  It seems as if the hassle isn’t worth the heart break anymore really. I’ll keep trucking along however.

Chances blown..nothings free…longing for…what used to be….

^^Those words right there have a way of speaking to me as if my self in the past life has passed these along to me. I feel so strongly for these words that I think about them daily. It’s a daily though based on the sadness I have for “what used to be”. I know people must move on…actually no I don’t.  I don’t believe in that one fucking bit. When did we stop caring so much for one another we’re going to start lying to one another about what we’re doing this weekend so we have a valid excuse as to why were not hanging out? When the fuck did we get so caught up with life to where we couldn’t appreciate one another’s love and appreciation. The act of completely disregarding each other do to some falsifying justification is absurdity at its finest.  When it comes down to it I just really miss my friends. Is that a crime? The world is so god damn beautiful the way it just continues with or without you. It continues with no sense of entitlement, no sense of right or wrong and hasn’t a clue as to what time it is.  It cares not for how old you are, for how long you’ve been miserable/happy, and it certainly doesn’t give a shit whether or not you’re upset with it. Time keeps ticking just as it did yesterday and the day before not knowing or caring what took place. What we/I need to do is keep trucking as I was yesterday and the day before.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

You can’t know, You can never really know, Would you want to know

“You can’t know
You can’t ever really know
Would you really want to know
How the hell would you know”

Today was the first time I took the longboard out around the little town of Huron and it was beautiful. I took a stroll out to the
lighthouse down the crowded pier and then set up shop in the little park thats sort’ve by the Brass. It’s a go to spot for me come summertime. If
you go later in the evening perhaps even as the sun is setting the kids and families will slowly vanish and it becomes a much more peaceful spot.
It’s funny really, the lesser the people the more of an attraction a place has. Let me make it clear that I wasn’t looking for social activity such as I
would be if I am heading out for the night.

In my direct 180 degrees of vision from this cold green bench I can see numerous wildlife. One squirrel, 5 seaguls swimming and several
Robins fetching for worms. I don’t know why but I often find myself just staring at birds as they fly above the water. It’s rather fascinating. They fly
so peacefully without fear of crashing, fear of heights and they sure as shit don’t care about the other wildlife around them. Granite most birds are
fucking stupid anyhow and their inability to have cognitive thinking probably helps these traits. It’s almost worthy of envy. Give these birds the
world and they capitalize on it all. Every aspect of it. The water, the air, the grass, the trees all of it. Give a human the world and we have the ability
of fucking it up and then some. I am not even sure where I am going with this besides being a bird would be fucking awesome. Only if more people
could be like birds I guess would also be cool. We have the ability to roam free, but get stuck and choose to be stagant within a strict radius we’ve
constructed in our god damn extraordinary awesome minds. Fear will pull us around by the genitals and make us take seat if things become
unfamiliar. So after several days, perhaps months even years the fear will no longer be there. It will no longer be there because it has passed it’s
crushing genital ways along to the “GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY HEAD” regret. We all know this feeling and I am sure you’ve all screamed this before
whether it be out loud or to yourself. To be honest I am fighting a battle at this exact moment, but mine has to do with fear. Taking a leap of faith
is the term I’d like to use here. Faith in the fact that everything ends up working out. You know why everything works out? Because life does not
end because you make a life changing decision. Unless you’re a jumper then unfortunately I am sure that is in fact a life ender… Life will continue as
it did before and we as humans will adapt to the new ways. We have the ability to learn on the go. We aren’t hardwired like wildlife. We have the
ability to learn new things daily and its fucking mesmerizing. Learning things new everyday just because we decided we wanted to learn it. “I really
wish I could teach myself to fly above the water just like this damn seagull..that’d be kickass”.

This blog has been brought to you by me from this cold green metal bench and damnit it feels good to be outside and alive today. This
weather really wakes the lake up. From the humans who reside within the communities that are on the lake to the wildlife that uses its lovely
tainted algae infested fresh water! I love it…I really do love ALL of it. I wonder if the people I see off in the distance are thinking about what I am
thinking? I wonder if they realize every person they come across in life are facing demons of their own and overcoming obstacles daily to survive
just like them. I wonder if they wonder if I wonder about these things, because I do. I appreciate anyone who can take a break from their lives and
come lakeside and just stare out into it. There is a girl over in the gazebo reading a book, there is a couple walking 2 dogs connected by one leash,
there are 2 teenage boys throwing rocks out into the lake and 2 guys out in a little row boat just minding their own. THIS is the shit I appreciate. I
know it isn’t much, but god damnit it sure beats the hell outta a 9-5. It beats everything that I’ve done in the past week. Sure I implemented a new IP
phone system at my workplace that helped out a lot of people and it was educational. That is nothing to me though….I honestly don’t feel anything
from doing that. I did it because I had to do it. My fingers are starting to become numb from the chill wind coming off the lake so I need to wrap
this up. Take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way. I am not saying make blind decisions, but you can and it’ll be okay. I personally
like to research each decision I do anymore. I’ve become very analytical it’s not necessarily a bad thing, but analyzing everything can be very
tiresome when you have someone like myself who’s brain never stops turning. It is times like these when I am staring out into the lake where I can
think freely.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

Every time you think you’re talking you’re just moving your mouth

“Standing in the tall grass
Thinking nothing
You know we need oxygen to breath”

So I went to Clearwater, Florida the 15th of February and returned the 20th of February. It was quite chilly down there. Like seriously I wore khakis and a sweatshirt all week. Fuck my life right? Granite it’s disappointing I would’ve never had the opportunity to see just how much the sand there resembles sugar. It’s white and finer than any sand I’ve ever had the opportunity of feeling run through my fingers and toes. The beach front goes for miles and the width of the beach itself is in a league of its own, about the width of a Football field.  This is something I don’t get to see often, so basically it’s something that is as intriguing as it gets for me.  I have always been one to look for things that are different from my neck of the woods.  If we are not constantly seeking something different we are being stagnant in which I cannot do.  I know I haven’t done anything to prove this otherwise, but can you not feel it? Can you not feel it when you start becoming nothing more than what you do day and out?

It has been several weeks since I’ve visited Florida and tbh I know I couldn’t live there. Sure it has one of the most prestigious beaches in America however there is nothing more.  Sure it does entail a couple more cool tourist shops. One in particular has a Flowrider within the store. If you are unaware of what a Flowrider is you can find one at the hell forsaken grounds of Kalahari.   I am not quite sure what I am seeking, but I do know that it isn’t just concrete and sand. Perhaps I am being extremely picky and even quite hard headed, however why would I pick something not fairly different from what I am use to waking up and seeing everyday? I am use to it, I wake up every day…every morning. I see the same scenery whether it be Winter or Summer.  The same faces that are closest to me share the same stories day in and out.  Their lives are stagnant and that is their choice. They refuse to go out and socialize. Give me a complete stranger, give me 15 minutes of talking to them and I can generally decide whether or not I’d like to continue.  I don’t want to make it sound like I hate talking to the people I am dear friends with.  I think I am just seeking more out of life than they.  You cannot measure it by any means. Don’t even try to measure it by societal movements and ideas either cause I’ll go off.  I hate categorization (unless we’re talking movies). Absolutely no reason for it. I try to fend off the negative vibes every day with people.  It isn’t something a weak minded individual is able to do very easily.  This is why we see some of our dearest friends disappear into the unknown.  Sure you know what they are doing…sort of.  You follow them on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram….great!  Your only interaction with the people closest to your heart is through an LCD screen.  This is semi-depressing for me. Ask the ones I am closest with. I am very transparent about my thoughts on friends I once had, very open about the friends I have yet to meet.  It’s crazy to think there are folk out there you’ve spent majority of your life with, folk that know everything about you.  Yet, you don’t talk to them nor see them anymore. A mere ghost in life, just the passing of the wind it seems like.  The real catch is if you graph it on a timeline there is very little room in which their not in your life.  I guess this is where I have been struggling. Struggling with the ability to cope with loss. What used to be isn’t exactly easily duplicated nor should it be. These memories serve me pure happiness, yet they’re my worst nightmares.  O.A.R has been lying to me all along with their bullshit of a line “Well, in the end my friend, we will all be together again”. Bunch of liars…I still like their music.

The time is now though! I am ready to explore this life. It seems as if I know very little anymore. High School was a cake walk, Going to community College and having a full-time job wasn’t to bad (I did have the pleasure of getting shingles due to stress though), and now I work full-time and pay bills…fuckin bummer.  I am grateful for the few good folk I stay in regular contact with, for my family and girlfriend, but there seems to be so much more I am missing out on.  I am tired of being reminded day in and out of who is actually there for me. Tired of being constantly let down by the people who’ve been closest to my heart all my life.  If I want to be let down I my as well be let down trying something new through new experience and opportunities.  I am tired of constantly being told that there is really no reason to seek other opportunities, that this place is just fine.  This place may be your paradise, but don’t try to justify the picture I’ve painted as a horrendous place because you’re simple minded.  This is okay, it really is, but don’t try to justify others unlike you because you’ll never understand them/me and I promise to do the same for you.  I promise to respect whatever it is you’d like to achieve in life. I also promise to let you know if I think you’re fucking up if you’re a good friend of mine. It’s called love is all. We could all use a little more of it.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

#FloatOnWorld

-Mess

I wish I could explain myself, but words escape me

“I’m so lost
I’m barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me”

This song has always meant something to me. Just recently it’s started to really dig in.  What am I talking about here in these lyrics? LIFE! I am talking about life. Life in general where the fuck did you go? Why am I not doing anything to get you back? Why am I conforming like my friends and family are? Why am I adhering to what you are suppose to be doing? Like WHAT THE FUCK am I doing? Why am I working an 8-5 (salary) job. Granite I get 6 weeks of vacation, however I never use it to its full potential. I am here to question most of what I do…please read along.

I graduated from College 2 years ago. I gracefully landed a great job close to home shortly after graduating.  This job has been nothing short of amazing.  I have learned many things. I have learned what it takes to work in an environment where there isn’t enough help to provide with what you need.  Not only here but in my previous job as well.  Anywhoozer I am not here to talk about jobs.  I am here to talk about what you/we do while not at our jobs? Better yet how possible is it to not even hold a job? It scares people, it scares people to think what they’d be doing if they didn’t have a job. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Would you die? Would the end of the world take place the minute you decided you were done working for your life?

We are just victims of society. I’d like to add that I may very well be the biggest hypocrite for creating this blog as well.  What separates myself and you is the ideas I withhold.  I consider myself an idealist. An idealist that doesn’t act on his ideas unless its for the better good of society.  I need to start thinking of myself though in these cases.  If we all started focusing on what truly brings us happiness I think we’d see a lot of upset individuals in the world.  Individuals that relied too heavy on others for their source of happiness. That’s what I don’t understand. It isn’t very hard to do what you want to remain happy and still juggle a relationship.  Some of my “friends” think it’s impossible to do anything but be up their wife/girl friends ass 24/7.  I am truly sorry for you individuals.  Then again that’s the life they’ve chosen so who am I to judge?   It’s sort of fucked up the individualist of the world are made to think that there is something wrong with them. We sit in the shadows silently shunned by those doing what they’ve been told to do, what they’ve been brought up to do.  If someone doesn’t fit the societal machine people start pointing fingers.  I’ve personally have had enough of this.  Like I don’t get it…where did people ever think they can start telling others what “normal” is and what it isn’t? I am not here to say other wise, but to question why people care so much about why other’s aren’t doing the same thing they are.  We aren’t weird, we don’t have a foreign DNA (Deoxyribonucleic Acid), we aren’t seeking anything more than you are. We just want to be happy and get the same amount of credit for doing so.

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Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

People Help The People

Welcome everyone to the year 2015! Whatever that means right? I’ve never been one to get to excited about the new year.  What I really get excited about is all the “Year in Review” articles. It can be overwhelming at what is actually accomplished during the year if you don’t stop and take a look once in awhile.  People get caught up with “life” too much.  There is so much that goes left unsaid and unheard of. The technology created to put the world in our hands has suppressed us even farther. I love information, I love sharing information.  Information allows us to deem something useful or non-useful, good or bad, moral or immoral.  This blog allows me to share the info that I know to everyone that I know. The ability to access it off of a computer, phone or tablet.  Any who I come forward with a crazy ending to a 2014 year.  The month of December 2014 will forever hold a very special place in my soul. When people come together as one we can move mountains.

December 5th around 5:30 pm I was driving home from work.  I noticed gas was surprisingly cheap that day.  I didn’t need much, but with the way gas prices work I like to top my tank off when I am able.  I pulled into the gas station, one in which I visit regularly.  I pulled up to the pump got out and swiped my card…error.  Swiped it again…error. At this point i tried wiping down the magnetic strip (this does nothing btw) I swiped it again…error!  I heard the gas station attendant over the speaker say that’d be out to assist me.  Lets call him Jim… Jim came out looked at my card to ensure it was a credit card in which this gas station recognized. I assure’d him I’ve used this card here before and that I’ve never had an issue. He told me they’ve been having some issues with this card reader at that pump today.  After 3 more failed attempts at swiping the card he asked me if I had another form of payment.  I began to walk into the store with him to pay with some cash.  I was intercepted by a lady half way there. Sir…Sir….I turn to my left and she hands me $40.  I stand there and try to explain to her that my card just wasn’t working and that I did have money for my gas.  She replied “Don’t care, Merry Christmas”. I stood there for a second in shock..”Ma’am…Ma’am” I said getting her attention right before she enters her vehicle.  I seriously don’t need this money, but thank you very much.  “What is your name” I said. As she was getting into her car she smiled and just said “Merry Christmas” and drove off. I stood there soul shocked. I continued my way into the store gave the man $15 to top my tank off. Walked outside gave a gentleman a $20 bill to pay for his gas while saying “Merry Christmas” and later that evening donated the other $15 to the Salvation Army.  There was no need for me to keep all the money. One of my favorite song lyrics is “Control yourself, take only what you need from it”.   It’s these type of events that keeps people moving in their darkest times, it’s these type of unexplained nontraditional events that show the world what  love is. I don’t intend on ever forgetting this day…matter of fact I don’t ever want to.

December 6th I woke up and couldn’t stop thinking about that event.  Continued my day with it weighing heavy on my mind. Not that it was a bad thing, but just really curious. Human always ponder the curious things in life, the unexplained things.  Sunday came around and I decided I wanted to do something of that nature, but I didn’t want to just go hand some cash over to someone, it was already done.  I wanted to create an opportunity to allow other people to help other people. It is where my #PeopleHelpingPeople campaign came from.  After browsing the internet Sunday afternoon and evening I eventually came across the Salvation Army website.  Looking around that I found a Hats/Gloves/Scarves for children campaign read up on it and bingo! Later in the week I created a campaign on gofundme.com with initial goal of $150.  A couple days had passed and I received $45 worth of donations ($25 of it being my own).  I started to post it several times a day via social media sites and boy what a game changer that was.  I didn’t spread the information as well as I should have in the beginning. I guess I was afraid the people wouldn’t answer. It was around the holidays and people work very hard for their money and had other priorities for their cash.   I was proven very wrong… $15 , $20, $45 and even $50 donations started coming in left and right.  5 days into this campaign and I surpassed my goal of $150 and was currently at $230 so I upped the goal to $300. Sure enough next day I was at $310 and the campaign was over. I remember staring at the computer screen and just reading the comments for each donation.  I received text messages, phone calls and people congratulating me in person for this effort.  It is I that was stunned, the fact that these folk actually have no idea how much I care for things like this. Things like this keep me going in life. #PeopleHelpingPeople has ENDLESS possibilities.  It is crazy what we can do as a society if we just work together.  I think we downgrade our neighbors to often and soon most times.  All we have to really do is ask for help.  I’ve always been the type to give people the benefit of the doubt.  Give em a chance and they’ll blind the world.

After the taxes and charges to gofundme as well as a few cancelled donations I ended up getting $245. Almost $100 over my initial goal.  You guys seriously don’t know how much I appreciate you all and how much this has taught me.  People are good!  Just hold your hand out for help once in awhile and you’ll see.  You’ll be in awe and you won’t be able to explain the feeling to anyone else, but you can feel it. You’ll feel these types of experiences in your heart till the day you die.  I THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

Get jobs in offices and wake up for the morning commute?

What do you think of when you read this title? I find it semi-depressing even though I partake in it everyday. I am however granted quite a bit of freedom at my current employer.  What I am trying to get across here is I wake up every morning and report to the same place every day.  Quite the robotic lifestyle, but at the same time such a hard system to beat or even negotiate with.

Most of us need a job to “live” <– whatever that entails with most of us. Everyone I know has an idea of what “living” is, however most provide me with a stereotypical #MassMedia answer. Most of us, including me at times forget what “living” actually entails.  We get caught up in so much bullshit in everyday life that creates a mirage amongst the things we care about the most. I am not here to tell them or you you’re wrong or right, but to broaden the horizon of the idea. The year is 2014 the conservative lifestyle is declining rapidly.  I say this because most of them are extreme hypocrites in trying to uphold this lifestyle.  If you are a firm believer in it by all means continue to stand up for what you believe, but mind you the general public is starting to side a very much different way. No, it doesn’t mean you’re suppose to conform to the consensus, but side with the better of society and that begins with change. Change is not able to be stopped and can only be suppressed for so long.

I honestly think there is an embedded timeline in most of everyone I know, most of everyone you know. It’s crazy… Do you honestly chalk marriage, home ownership, child bearing, and (in debt for the rest of your life) into a coincidental category?  Fucking please….I’d seriously advise some soul searching and exploration.  <– No that is not a “hippy” thing..haha there is that conservative lifestyle pulling through.  I just don’t understand everyone’s motive.  It’s not my job, but shouldn’t OUR motive as the people of this planet be similar or even close to one another?  It’s quite disturbing and depressing to me…I honestly have mild depression when I think about who/what our society actually cares about. I am unable to speak to my co-workers about this, I am unable to speak to my closest friends regarding this..hell, I can’t even write and promote this via social networks without negativity. No feedback or promotion is just as bad feedback. The feedback I am constantly given back regarding this type of idea is one sided in many ways.  Why? Why? No! Why would you want to do that? LISTEN MOTHER FUCKER we are allowed to have different point of views of this life.  I am not to sure about you, but I have not “locked” myself down here yet. Nor have I “locked” myself down anywhere. It seems boring as hell to me, maybe its for you that’s fine. We’ll have to agree to disagree.  Yes, I have a girlfriend, one in which plans on moving with me. During the whole process she has yet to be a blockade.  This place to fucking big to stay stagnant.  <– That is my thought not yours.

The more I stick around this place the more saddened and upset I watch it become.  I’ve learned that my days of counting on the people that have walked closest to my heart is over. For it’s not a definite bad thing, nor is it a good thing. It is an experience I’ve never dealt with before. They also are experiencing new things some for the better some for the worse.  Home truly is where the heart is. So chase your heart wherever it may lead.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

I change shapes just to hide in this place

Tonight’s blog is going to be a bit different from the ones I have done in the past. Tonight I will be taking some of my favorite lyrics taken from songs and just offering my thoughts on them. I am a HUGE lyric person. Well written songs move me, you know the ones that give you goosebumps the first time you hear them. I don’t know why, however many #ModestMouse have the ability to do this to me.

The first song here is “Lives” by #ModestMouse

“Everyone’s afraid of their own lives
If you could be anything you want
I bet you’d be disappointed, am I right?
Am I right? And it’s our lives
It’s hard to remember, it’s hard to remember
We’re alive for the first time
It’s hard to remember were alive for the last time
It’s hard to remember, it’s hard to remember
To live before you die
It’s hard to remember, it’s hard to remember
That our lives are such a short time
It’s hard to remember, it’s hard to remember
When it takes such a long time
It’s hard to remember, it’s hard to remember”

This one is quite simple for me tbh. I often have asked myself “what the fuck” am I doing? As if it was only I asking this on a daily basis. The older I have gotten I’ve realized everyone is just winging it on a day-to-day basis and they and I am completely okay with it. Some people are so absorbed and addicted to structure it drives me nuts, however at the same time isn’t exactly “living”. Then again who the hell am I say what “living” entails? I can tell you this I’ve had some amazing adventurous times in my day that have been completely sporadic with the infamous notion of “NO Fucks Given” agenda. If your day-to-day itinerary has had no fears behind said task I highly advise you loosen up a bit. It truly is hard to remember that our lives are such a short time. Fuck the public’s opinion and pre-written agenda they have for everything. It’s annoying, it’s weight bearing and tbh I don’t want any part of it.

The second song here is “Memories Remain” by #DropkickMurphys

“The times have changed
but friends remain
my heart and souls with you
cause one things for sure
I always swore id never turn my back on you
Times were tough but the memories remain
situations rough but together we overcame
side by side one for all together we grew
cause when all is said and done ill remember friends like you”

This one I am finding more truth in on a daily basis at this point. The key line being “i’ll remember friends like you”. For whatever reason it’s only taking me to the age of 29 to truly start noticing a dissipation in my friends. From being really close up to 2 years ago to fading out with time till this day. It’s weird to think about, but most are just trying to better themselves. I don’t see where the total cut-off of hanging out comes into play, but to each their own. I know where my loyalty stands and for whatever reason and however many times I get fucked over i’ll never turn my back on them. It’s sorta just who I am. Growing up I’ve always had to be extremely loyal to get my sisters and family to stick together. The broken household norm of America struck my sisters and I young and I’ve never looked back, challenge accepted.  It’s hard enough knowing that your part of a major statistical grouping, so why not fight it and make it work. I’ve never stopped fighting for it.

The last and final song here is “In This Diary” by the Ataris

“Being grown up isn’t half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you’ll finally get it right.”

Every birthday here on out sucks just a little more.  People can’t come out because their significant other doesn’t want to, they have a kid, or just plain out don’t care anymore. It’s rather depressing. I know of two people that are just doing what they want day in and out and living life. It’s crazy how so many people find this to be a taboo lifestyle.  If you are not truly happy living your life what the fuck are you doing here? What the fuck are you doing with yourself? Better yet…WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? (please insert stereotypical answer). I read a post today:  “I used to care about what people thought about me, until one day I tried to pay my bills with their opinions.” Couldn’t of said this any better myself.  Follow your heart in everything you do. If you’re not following your heart seriously wtf are you doing? I am truly sorry if you feel as if your being pressured to be married/have kids/settle down/ buy a house….tbh that shit is for the birds, it’ll take place in time. Life isn’t race or competition. I know plenty of good people that get by day to day just fine. The don’t need the luxuries most of us crave and for the most part I envy them. You see “growing up” was the easy part the hard part Im assuming is figuring out when you’re “grown up”. Perhaps I never want to. That’s fine with me and I don’t need approval from you nor anyone else at this point. My bills are paid monthly so what are you honestly going to say to me?  It just saddens me every single day I wake that I KNOW of certain people just giving up on life, people I use to be extremely close to in my day. Great people that are capable of having fun no matter what they do. Society has swallowed the whole……I feel for them I really do.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

But one time out of ten, everything is perfect for us all.

First and foremost I would strongly like to apologize for my lack of post in the past 2 weeks. I have had an extreme amount of weight on my shoulders and I tend to share most of it with you in good time seeing how this is an exit for me anymore.  Today is

“November 8th” (it was when I started writing this) dead center in the Scorpio season. I am proudly one of these and I do withhold many of these aspects.  We are not here to talk about this however, but to embrace my birthday. Why are we embracing this you may ask? Well some of the Scorpio aspects I withhold dearly cause me to question the things I do day in and out.

The thing about friendship these days is that nobody actually believes in it anymore. They like to think they believe in it and funny thing is they think they are loyal by all means. Sadly mistaken often they are.  I turned 29 years old today and my loyalty to my friends hasn’t changed since I met them 15 years ago.

Apparently its a big deal to get the group together these days to celebrate the birth of anyone. No, I am not talking about me in general, however I am talking about all of my  friends. I don’t get it.   Am I wrong for missing and caring for them so much when they return no favor?  I dont know you tell me?  The loyalty I proclaim is often not believed, but it’s okay.  I contacted many “friends” for this Saturday night that fell on November 8th and without regard received absolutely no responses and tbh I think I get it.  I honestly think I understand what my father was telling me all about 6 years ago.  Friends aren’t here to stay.  These days I am interpreting that as the “loyalty” is not here to stay, but the “friendship” is.   “Blood makes you related and loyalty makes you family” .

The people that would’ve been here 5 years ago are doing absolutely nothing more than what they were doing 5 years ago and were still unable to make it, however its the times. We can all blame the times. The times have been killing us for some years now.  It’s time we wake up from the Utopian lifestyle many of us lived in.  Believe you me, I don’t plan on waking up.  Tbh I honestly plan on leaving this area by next summer. It’s cool though…after I have told several of my plans (dreams) to some of my friends they’ve responded with “you dont want to leave here”, “you’ll move back in 5 years”..etc. THANKS! Thank you my “friends” for really supporting me through my endeavors. I will be damned If I am caught up with your complacency around here and I do apologize but I’ve had enough of it.  I’ve had enough of seeing the people I care most about unhappy with their lives and feel they are stuck. I am tired of not being able to help my closest friends as I watch them go into a spiral downfall.   I am sorry we couldn’t of been family.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

 

It’s hard to remember we’re alive for the first time, it’s hard to remember we’re alive for the last time

“Nobody believes in friendship anymore. People talk about it, you see it on TV, people drop by, go to the store together, no one eats alone, but most people are alone. That’s the thing about friendship it’s a lot rarer than love, because there is nothing in it for anybody”

^^This quote above has hit me like none other for the past 2 days. Sure “friendship” is important to all, but not all believe in it. I am beginning to think that my true friends have lost the meaning in what friendship really is.  We have let the machine dictate who and what we want. We have let the machine alter our lives.  We have let obtain complete dominance of what we grew up protecting.  Most of us are exactly what our younger selves tried to protect us from. We are the folk we never wanted to become. Not all of us, but most are completely disappointed with what they’ve become. Of course we’re not able to get factual evidence on this, because god forbid those disappoint those who’d be upset.

I know several couples that deep down our completely miserable, but play it off as if everything is okay. It’s quite depressing, not because they’re relationship is a lie, but because they are denying themselves the opportunity to an infinite world.  It’s a bummer people buckle down just because they’re suppose to. Like what the fuck is that suppose to mean? “Well I’ve been dating so and so for this long so I thinks to time we stick together for the rest of our life”. I am not saying this doesn’t happen and maybe this is how you have found your soul mate in life. This is not the case always god damnit. This is not a predetermined requirement to get married. This is not a justification to remain miserable in life.

Go to work (In which you dont like) , Come home to a significant other (In which you dont believe in anything they do or believe in anything they stand for), and completely disregard anything you have previously known (you know the friendships you have spent the past 10 years and so for building). Gee I dont know first off if you dont like your job do something about it for fuck sake! If you have minimal common grounds with your significant other has it ever occurred to you that you may not have enough in common to continue your entire life with them?? God damnit! The friendship thing can’t be explained..only those that have had “true” friends that’d go completely out of their way in search of nothing in return would understand. So since friendship is rarer than love i’ll save my fingers and prefer to not comment on the matter.

The thing about friendship and I is that I truly believe in its nature. I believe in every aspect of it. Brotherhood, unity and solidarity. I am afraid most of the people I have previously known have lost what their younger selves wished upon them. I have friends in relationships that are noticeably unhappy, I have friends working shit jobs because they think it’s what they deserve, most importantly I have friends that have given up on their friendships with their true brothers. Ones who’d be their before their own family. I hope one day even if we’re miles apart we can reconcile what once was.  We do not have to let our current state dictate what we once were.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess

 

It’ll happen once again, you’ll turn to a friend someone that understands

“I am taking back what belongs to me” <– story of this past year for me. I wish I could paint the picture for you folks, but that’d take an absurd amount of time. Time in which you don’t have, neither do I.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted nothing more than complete happiness for the people I have cared for the most.  The stars have been aligned  and it’s time to turn my focus. Focus on ME, focus that you and I and most the people we know sell out on. This is a broad subject I understand this. I also hope you understand I am not calling one out for wanting to raise a family or dedicating their time to their wife.  I am questioning you on what you truly want to do in this life? If your not happy with what your doing whether it be a relationship, job, or where your at in life you do have the ability to change it. There is a possibility to have your cake and eat it to.

It takes a certain kind of person to see this life the way I see it. How do I know this?  I know this because there are very few people in my life that acknowledge the real issues of this world without blaming politics and categorizing them. An open mind is far superior to a closed one.  Change is happening and happening fast. You nor I am able to stop it. The people are starting to speak, the people WILL get what the people want in the end. If you are not on board unfortunately your going to sink.  I want to let everyone know there is room for all to stay afloat, there is room for all to prosper.

What am I taking back? I am taking back what I want. What do I want? I am not 100% sure, however staying around here I am not 100% sure. I’ve been around for awhile living around here, you’d think i’d be certain if I wanted to remain here, but I am not. I know there is sooo much more out there.  Hell even our state is HUGE when your looking down from above.  I have an ability to talk to strangers and make friends wherever I am so I am not scared.  The hardest thing is leaving the ones behind that you care about which brings me back to my initial point.  Everyone I know is happy and taken care of my duty here is done.  The weight from my shoulders has been lifted.

I hope all you reading this often ask yourself what you are doing and is this what I want? Why would anyone stop questioning what they want? We have the potential to do soooo much stuff why not embrace it all? I don’t see myself in this are by this time next year the ball has already started rolling for me. I have been researching quite a bit of different places.  I can always come back to the place I grew up with the familiar faces and places, however home is where the heart is.

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#FloatOnWorld

Remember these are the words of me, the words of I, and the words of everything I previously have known.

-Mess